I sent off my last assessment for the semester today, it felt so good, you know like this huge weight has been lifted off my shoulder but already I am feeling a little anxiuos about all the spare time I am going to have. I mean since I got back life has been nuts, with this visa thing and studying and working full time and all the added stuff like Spanish classes and Streetwise and a bit of recruiting stuff for Ayni. When I was in Peru life was even more nuts but I won’t go into that as I feel I am starting to sound like a broken record and the point is really that now that all that is over I don’t really know what to do with myself.
It is a little strange but I need to be busy, not just a little bit but really busy or I get depressed, it’s a bit os a catch 22 really because I am often quite stressed about all the things I have to do and I don’t like it but when I am not I feel bad. I guess I could find some more things to squeeze into my life, I was thinking about applying to be a volunteer with ALIV and I have done a couple of shifts at Bambinos recently and my boss, Dave asked me towork more and I very nearly said yes but I think this is a problem I need to sort out. I need to learn how to relax, how to have nothing to do and to still feel good about myself. I think that, that is important. It will be hard but and even more so if I can’t smoke.
Yay how well am I doing 3 weeks tommorrow without a cigarette. I must admit it is getting easier, I think time helps and I have also decided to recieve a little help from a new friend of mine, ‘The nicorette inhaler”.
I was listening to a girl on the train today, as much as I would like to say I don’t do that often, it would not be true, and she was talking about how she was giving up cigarettes. She said that since then she had become a really nasty person. She said that she thought all this evil stuff about people and everyone just pissed her off, she said that some of her friends told her that she had become a real bitch. Please tell me if that is happening with me.
I have only found you to be rude to your Uni work.
Very kind to me.
You haven’t become a bitch so far. Not at all.
Maybe you need a low-demand hobby or sport to keep you busy. Like quilling. Or if that doesn’t interest you, then frisbee!
Good work!
3 weeks is a long time.
i think it would be alot of value if you could learn to relax more. even just have “you time”. the beginning of the year seemed quite stressful for you, and nothings to say things won’t get hectic again like that for you.
it just seems to me you feel although you’re not doing enough, or spare time you may have may be best spent helping others. while that’s noble, i don’t think it’s a good idea for you personally. looking long term, other people stand to benefit from your studying at uni. so relaxing a little and focusing on that, and martin, i don’t think is particularily selfish.
you can’t change the world in a day. but you can do it in a lifetime.