I actually started writing this post Sunday 5th August but didn’t finish it.  So this is actually what inspired me on that day.

On Friday I had my second birth.  It didn’t go very well at all.  I won’t go into it all here but the woman on duty that day wouldn’t let me in.   By the time I got there they had decided to give her a cesarean.  I told her that I still wanted to go in as the woman, Jovany, would be really upset as she had really wanted a natural birth.  The nurse told me she was fine.  I told her their are emotional sides to birth as well as physical ones but she ignored me.  I waited around for awhile wondering what to do and then Jovany came out to use the toilet.  I spoke with her for awhile and when she came out of the toilet she asked me to come in with her so I did.  When they nurse found me giving her a massage she asked me to leave.  Jovany said she wanted me to stay but the nurse said I couldn’t.  I then said that she should be more focused on the needs of the patients than of herself which didn’t get me any more on side and eventually I agreed to go.

I went back during visiting hours and I found Jovany recovering from her operation.  I asked where the baby was and she said she didn’t know.  She also asked me if the baby was okay and if it was a girl or boy.  No one had bothered to tell her.  I went to found out and found the baby all by itself in a crib.  I asked the doctor if I could take the baby to her mother and he said no.  I tried to explain how critical these moments are for bonding and attachment and practically begged him but he wouldn’t even look at me.  So I went and told Jovany that all was ok and that she had a little girl, which she had wanted.  Then I went back to sit with the baby.  I sang to it for a little while but then they told me I had to leave again.  I decided there was no point fighting.  I was totally uninspired and had decided to give up.

Today though I told my cousin who works as a driver for the hospital.  He told me that kind of treatment of patients happens all the time and worse.  The horror stories he told me of medical professionals who give no respect to the patients and have no regard for their well being was awful.  However, amongst these awful stories he told me how he in his role as driver tries to offer a smile where he can and tries to listen to what they are feeling.  He told me how on numerous occasions he has fought with doctors to get them to help someone who they don’t want to because they are not insured.  My cousin has a pretty low level job in hospital and is also not always respected by the doctors but I was inspired by how in this position he tries to make a positive difference where her can.  His kindness really shines a light on their disregard.

This really inspired me to somehow keep trying.  It made me realise how important these little acts of kindness are when someone is sick or in birth or dealing with the hospital system.  While I am still very angry and frustrated with the hospital he made me value the little things I was able to do for Jovany, which at the time felt like nothing.  And she must have valued it for when I visited her the next day in the hospital she told me she had called her baby Emily.

Since starting that post on August 5th I have met with the director of the hospital.  She seems a bit in denial that that kind of thing is happening but she assured me if I write a letter she will ensure that all the nurses know who I am and will let me in to support women in birth not matter what kind.  I had thought that would already happen but I hope coming from the director I won’t have this problem again.  I have also visited Jovany and baby Emily a few times and they are doing fine.  She is really disappointed and angry but we debriefed it all and she is trying really hard to make up for the time they missed together when she was first born.  She is also a very inspiring woman.