Sometimes I am such a fucking bitch.
Sorry about the harsh language but I am feeling a little overwhelmed by own ickiness at the moment and that seems to be the only way to describe it. Well it doesn’t even come close but it is closer than some less full on language.
I should be practising a Spanish presentation but all I can think about is how shitty a human being I am.
Damn it.
That just proves to me how incrediably special you are. For someone with such a wonderful heart I struggle to see how you can think of yourself in that light. I think though it is good because it gives you the capacity to change yourself.
I have some issues with bitching myself and other things I do aren’t great. I rarely go through the kind of negative thoughts about myself as you do. Which also means I rarely grow and change as a person.
Anyway Emily I consider myself very lucky to of have had the privilege of knowing you over the years. It makes me sad that we may end up living in different countries for many of the coming years.
Ego stroke. I know you weren’t after people to tell you how good you are. I just couldn’t help it :-).
Even if I knew what you were referring to, I think you’re being a bit hard on yourself! We all do crappy things. In a million years, I wouldn’t even think to call you a b***ch. In fact, I admire your passion, dedication, and Mil-ness.
i liked this poem the other day:
“Your Spirit Alive in the Laughter of Our Eyes”
Help us to let go
Of all You have forgiven a thousand times
to realise the forgiven exists no longer.
Liberate Your Spirit
from among the shame and guilt
that we have allowed to weigh us down.
Help us to forgive ourselves
And one another
and lighten up our world
to see the love and the laughter in each other’s eyes
the inner joy of forgiveness being realised.
Noel Davis (of course)
I could say more on this topic but I think Noel says enough. He is indeed most eloquent in expressing the frustration and the struggle and the hope.