As of yesterday I am officially no longer a breastfeeding mother.  I was planning to go through to 2 years, which is in general what is recommended, but I have found myself stopping 3 months earlier (Nina will be 21 months in 12 days).  It kind of just came upon us.  We started weaning about three months ago.  Although at that stage I wasn’t calling it weaning I just wanted to cut back a little.  After we got here Nina was feeding a lot.  I understood that would happen and I demand fed for about three months of been here but it was getting exhausting not to mention a bit awkward.  While women in the mountains and jungle are known to breastfeed for years most women in the cities have adopted the more Western habit of weaning at 12 months, if they breastfeed at all.  And in a very macho culture I felt quite exposed and vulnerable pulling my breasts out all the time in public.  So as Nina was now settled I began weaning her from public feeding.  It went very smoothly really.  A few little tantrums in taxis if I didn’t have an alternative to offer her but if I did no dramas.   From there I slowly began to put a bit routine in place for her at home.  Attachment parenting says demand feed but I like routines, all be it flexible if needed.  So we got it down to one when she woke, then morning feed (whenever), before nap, afternoon feed (again whenever) and before bed as well as one overnight.  She then started going to daycare in the morning so that feed went and I stopped offering the afternoon one so it went too.  Occasionally when she did ask I would agree but mostly she was happy to accept some grapes or water instead so we were down to wake up, before nap and bed and overnight.  As Martin and I alternate getting up I then decided to drop the wake up one so I could sleep through on my days.  She didn’t make a sound about it.

We were now down to three and I began to wonder if we should just keep going as we were in the flow.  We were thinking of coming back to Australia at the end of August so I thought it would be better to wean before we left while she was settled.  I couldn’t do it to her after another big move and I really didn’t want to go beyond two years.  Now we are coming back in November but I guess the seed had been planted for me.  I also like the idea of Nina been able to sleep without having to breastfeed.  She doesn’t breastfeed to sleep but it was an essential part of her bedtime routine which meant I had to be there or it was pretty hard for Martin. It gives me a bit more flexibility especially as I am looking at supporting women in birth which can come anytime.  So we decided try stopping the before sleep feeds.  I was expecting it to be a nightmare and was willing to reconsider if it was too hard.  The plan was for a week Martin would put her to bed, following the same routine except she had a glass of milk instead of breast milk.  Again smooth as silk really.  A little bit of whinging on the first day but certainly no real complaining.  So after five days I put her to bed.  She got into position for “teta” and I said milk and offered her the glass instead.  She tentatively accepted.  Now we were down to one.  The night feed.  The feed which I most wanted to stop but knew would be the hardest.  But two days ago we did.  First night was fine.  When she woke up she took water and a bit of singing and was asleep again in less than five minutes.  Second night a bit harder.  Took water but then didn’t want to go back to sleep.  I had to sit by the cot for awhile singing and patting til she finally went down again.

So there we are.  I know everyone will have different opinions on this as they do most things motherhood.  Here in Peru most people I have told are very happy.  I have been told on various occasions by my in laws many of the myths associated with breastfeeding eg it’s no longer that nutritious after one year and that I am over indulging etc etc.  On the other hand a lot of “attachment parenting” people think feeding beyond two years is the best for bonding with baby and raising happy and secure children.  As for me I feel mostly good about the decision.  As with training her to sleep I did it slowly over a three month period with minimal crying.  The fact that Nina has mostly not complained, (in fact hardly seemed to notice some feeds going) and has been able to accept alternatives means that I think she was ready for it.  And I guess the truth is for me while I would like to be one of those mothers who loved breastfeeding and wanted to breastfeed indefinitely I am not. It’s not that I hated it, there were wonderful moments but in general I found it hard work.  Of course I do have moments of guilt and do worry that if she does get sick again and is not breastfeeding it will be a lot harder.  And I do feel a little bit sad.  It was something that only Nina and I shared and there were times of real intimacy and closeness when feeding.  And I will miss that special bond that we shared.  It’s weird too.  I guess this is the final stage in getting my body back after pregnancy and birth.