A late night ramble.

Well it’s 12.15 at night and I am in bed. I can’t sleep so I thought that I would blog. I have not been sleeping all that well lately which is a little bit stressful but I can sleep in, in the morning so that makes me feel a little less uptight about it. I have Monday Club tommorrow and it doesn’t start til 12.30.

I am actually looking forward to Monday Club tommorrow. It has been so good lately. I took a break for a couple of weeks about a month ago and during that time I realised that Monday Club is good for me. At Monday Clube I am totally unable to control anything. I feel inadequate and lost. So why is this good? Well not only is humbling which I often need but it means that I have to fully depend on God. And since realising that everything has been better. Everyone seems to have finally gotton used to the changes that happened when I began to facilitate it 14 months ago so I no longer feel like I should be someone else. They seem to be enjoying it also and getting something out of it. I guess that’s what happens when God is in control and not me.

My marriage is a bit like that too really. Last night we went to Carlos’ birthday party and about 12.00 in typical Peruvian style the speeches start and everyone got really sentimental. It was nice really. Australians so rarely to do that. Anyway we stumbled across the topic of marriage. I don’t know how as we were supposed to be talking about Carlos turning 40 but we did. Anyway I said a couple of things. I said that marriage has taught me that I am actually not that great a person. I am not the patient, kind, understanding human being that I once thought I was and I am actually not able to control everything all the time. Again that is a good thing to learn as it humbles me but also it has helped me understand a little more about God and his grace. Despite all my crappiness Martin still loves me. He knows me better than anyone and he still wants to be with me. That’s like God, despite everything God still loves me.

One thought on “A late night ramble.

  1. That is so true that whole control thing. I struggle with it sometimes. It was so much easier to depend on God when I had just gotten to India.

    These days I keep trying to control my world and failing. Thankfully I have a few uncontrolable elemements in my life in Sydney.

    Letting God control stuff is so easy and so hard at the same time.

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