I always want this day to feel very significant because it is a very significant thing that we remember today but I never seem to be able to find a way to honour it in a way that really feels like it does it any justice. I guess that’s impossible. Today, I thought about the crucifixion a lot. I read the story, as I do most years and I lit a candle that has been burning all day as a constant reminder of the passion of Jesus which helped a little but I confess my heart hasn’t being totally there. I even went walking with the parade that makes its way through Chulucanas each year. It felt like a really interesting cultural experience and I was happy to be in that momemt with those people but my soul did feel at all connected to the images of Christ presented there.
I guess it is the expectation thing, the pressure of feeling like you have to be spiritual, of feeling like you should be moved makes it a lot harder to be. It’s not that I am unmoved but I am not overwhelmingly so. There are lots of other days throughout the the year, so called “ordinary” days in which my heart and soul are deeply, deeply moved by the crucifixion story. Days I feel very connected to it and overwhelmed by the love of God shown on that day. I wish it was every day, especially Good Friday, but the truth is it’s not. I suppose that’s okay. One of the lessons of the cross is that God knows we are not perfect but he loves us unconditionally anyway. That His grace is far bigger than any of our sins, including this one.
I could really relate to this quote that I read from Richard Rohr today though. It made my heart flutter at least. “Jesus’ final words are, “Father into your hands I commit my spirit.” There in one line is the meaning of Jesus’ spirituality: he trusted in the Father and was not put to shame. He trusted in the Father’s faithful love. Against all evidence to the contrary he believed God was faithful.”