Mother’s Day came and went fairly unremarked upon. In the lead up I kept watching the different ads for mother’s day gifts and thinking how much my mum would hate them. When I commented on this to Martin, he said, “you wouldn’t like them either”. Funny that it hadn’t even occured to me that I was now someone who receives gifts on Mother’s Day. Obviously, Nina is too little to give me anything but Martin gave me a big sleep in and some flowers on her behalf.

I took my mum to the movies cause she’s a great mum. Then we went to dinner, although Keith paid for the dinner for the mums. We saw a movie called Babies that was really great. It was just based on four babies, one from Mongolia, Nambibia, The USA and Japan and how they interacted with their environment, It was really cute and funny and interesting to see how similiar babies are but how different their environments are. It was a reminder to be a little less precious. Babies are actually quite resilient.

My gorgeous little girl is going pretty well. She says mama now and has one little tooth. She also crawls around. Well commando crawling, not quite up yet but she can get where she wants. She doesn’t seem to particularly enjoy it though. Although, I guess it is something she has to do on her own and she is not that into that. She likes being very close to people, preferably being carried. Other things she likes are eating, especially sand and leaves and anything she shouldn’t, putting her feet in the dirt, watching people brush their teeth, the new Alice Springs indoor pool, pulling DVD’s off the shelf, being thrown around by Martin, “if your happy and you know it clap your hands”.

I’m not happy that Osama Bin Laden is dead. I don’t trust the media or the politicians one bit but if it was him that masterminded the September 11 attacks I think that was a terrible thing to do. I also get the impression that Osama was a horrendously violent, ungracious, arrogant and unkind man and he and I probably wouldn’t have got along very well at all but does that give me the right to celebrate his death? I do have to remember that I am not perfect either and that the side on which my country is fighting has far more blood on their hands than Osama Bin Laden.

Murder (which is what I believe it was) is sad no matter how bad we think the person is. Quakers believe that there is “that of God in all people” and I don’t think Osama Bin Laden is any different. I have been deeply saddened by the shows of enthusiasm and glee displayed by leaders and people around the world. I would think that even if people did believe that Osama was better off dead that there would be some regret that it had to come to this. I would have thought at least one person would take the time to remember all the people that have also died in the search for Osama Bin Laden and asked the question if the “collateral damage” is acceptable.

And the discussion about if we can trust Pakistan or not. Are we serious? Has anyone stopped to ask the question can Pakistan trust us? Are we really so arrogant to believe that the lives of those in the West are so much more valuable than the lives of those in the middle east? Why do we believe that it is okay when we kill people but not when they do? We have to remember today that the people who have really suffered are not Americans or Australians or Europeans but the people of Afghanistan, Iraq and Pakistan.

We got back yesterday from a gorgeous week in Byron. Yesterday, I was suffering from some post-holiday blues, going back to work didn’t help, but I seem to have recovered today. Getting the house clean and some time under the mountains always helps.

Anyway, it was a lovely time away. We stayed in a cute little place, a couple of minutes walk from the beach which I took full advantage of with lots of swims and walks along the beach. Nina loved the water as well. Martin went to the Blues and Roots festival a lot and I managed to sneak in for one afternoon on mum’s band. I saw Eric Bibb, Javier Rudd, Neil Muarray and the Blind Boys of Alabama. The blind Boys were the highlight but to be honest it was a bit too packed for me. I more enjoyed just hanging at the house with a lot of my favourite people. Lots of tea was drunk and hot cross buns eaten. There was also one late night theological debate with Tom and Gem. Reminded me so much of the good old days.

It was a real treat to spend some time with Jo and the gorgeous little Sebastian, although there were certainly a lot of tears leaving again. I do deeply miss all of you who were there very much.

I wouldn’t say I love cooking but I do get enormous pleasure out of cooking up new and healthy things for Nina to try. Then I put it in the freezer in little ice cube trays and she has three or four a meal. She is a pretty good eater and likes most of the things I give her. She has eaten yoghurt, rice, apples, pears, avocado, peas, pumpkin, broccoli, potato, sweet potato all mashed up but it can be pretty lumpy these days. She has also eaten a piece of banana, rockmelon, orange and cheese all by her self. She gets it all over her but that’s part of the fun and she looks very cute. At the moment I am most excited that she is eating Quinoa with spinach and tofu. Some people might think that’s a bit mean but she loves it and it is so, so good for her. I also sprinkle her food with Chia seeds which are supposed to be a super food and are filled with protein and omega 3 which is also amazingly good for her. Most importantly though is that Nina’s favourite food (although Martin would debate this) is hommous. She’s going to fit in so well.

We watched this documentary the other night on SBS. It really blew my mind. I just can’t believe that those involved in creating and sustaining this war are getting away with it. Sometimes I read about the insanely criminal activity that the US got up to in Latin America in the last century and I have thought that modern media wouldn’t let them get away with it now. It seems not so. Even today in 21st century Australia we will close our eyes to anything we don’t really want to know. Anything that will ensure our completely over the top and unsustainable lifestyles don’t get messed with. Even if this mean the death of millions (literally) and 90% of the casualties are civilians. Even if this means torture. And they knew from the start there were no weapons of mass destruction and if they didn’t then they’re just plain dumb because the evidence was there.

Anyway, I could rave about it all night but it makes me aware of how quiet I have been on the war since it started. Before it did I protested and wrote letters but since nothin, it just doesn’t feel like anyone would listen. It does make me not want to pay my taxes anymore. If only there was a way around it.

I am probably not the attended audience for this book. It was actually written for men to prepare and guide them for the birth of their child. I am obviously not that but Jane very kindly got for me to read for my doula training. It was written by a doula who runs ante-natal courses for men. As a doula I would be very interested in assisting partners to be the best support for their wives they can be. And this book had some very good ideas. There were also real mens stories which I enjoyed reading too.

I’m terrible at making decisions and Martin is not that much better than me. So every time that we have to make one it is fairly stressful. But the time has come around again to make a decision about the next step of our lives. Martin quit his job last week and thus a decision has to made about what now. As usual I began to feel a little overwhelmed pretty quickly. However in my quaker meeting the other day I was sitting in silence listening for some guidance from God. Slowly as I reflected on some things I had been reading over the previous week it came to me that the reason I am so bad at making decisions is I never make one decision. When we have to make a decision about what next I always fall into the trap of trying to decide what will be after that and then after that and then after that. The truth is that I cannot know that and trying to make a decision today based on something that might happen in ten years will of course be stressful. It came to me that the only decision that we can make is the next one. Then once we have made that and seen what happens we can then make the next one. This requires trust of course but really it’s the only way forward for us.

April, the month of anniversaries has come around again. Martin and I have now been married for 6 years. “She’s a Mil” turned 7 years old. And finally Martin and I met 8 years ago. As always I am struck by how much changes each year. With the arrival of Nina there has been some particularly big changes. I am very happy.

Things have been a bit slow on the reading front I am afraid to say. A bit too much going on I guess. Some people might not think this really qualifies as a book but we do call it the book of Exodus so I am going to include it.

So I just finished reading the book of Exodus. I really enjoyed most of it. The last bits at the end, with the very detailed descriptions of the tent and the clothing of the priests were a little tedious but the rest is fascinating. I love how so much of the Bible is story. Stories of ordianary people trying to understand God. Stories of God loving his creation. This particular story is a liberation story. The story of a journey from slavery to freedom. The story of a group of misfits coming to be the people of God. Form the story I was struck by how God wants us to live free and full lives in Him. I was also very struck by God’s insistence on the Sabbabth. It is the first lesson that people of God learn in the desert. I was inspired to try to be more comitted to having a Sabbath. As a new mum complete rest is not really possible but I have decided at least on Sunday there will be no cooking or cleaning or shopping or watching TV. I will try to only do things that restore my soul. It is God’s gift to his people.

I cried while I was watching the news this morning. The father who threw his four year old daughter off a bridge in Melbourne in 2009 was given a guilty verdict today. When I saw the mother walking out of court I burst into tears. Since Nina I get a bit like that, I guess being a mother creates a deeper empathy with all other mothers.

I also really felt for the father and all the family and was again struck by the ineffectiveness of our legal system to really deal with issues such as this. This verdict will not really make anything even slightly better for anyone in the long run. I don’t really know what would but I think some restorative justice may go a lot further.

I am really praying for this broken family, broken legal system and broken world. I guess there are some things we can only leave in the hands of God.