I don’t really like sterotypes and I am sure there are some lovely security guards out there (in fact some of them are my students and the other day I saw one, crawling on the ground helping an indigenous couple search for some change they dropped) but one the whole in Alice Springs there is a real problem with the security culture. It is not an uncommon occurance in this town to witness an incident of security guards seriously bullying citizens, 99.9% of the time these citizens been indigenous people. The indigenous people are not unaffected. On the weekend we went to a music festival east of town. I was chatting with John at one point and we saw Keith and my mum. I said to John let’s go over there and see them. He didn’t want to as to do so he would need to walk past a group of security guards who were staring him up. Can you imagine, John, a traditional owner of the land on which we stood too intimidated even to walk past some security guards?

On the whole these incidents of bullying go unremarked upon. There was a letter to the editor in the paper the other day but not much more. However a month or so ago Martin witnessed an incident he couldn’t ignore. Two security guards standing over an elderly indigenous man whose nose was bleeding. Martin walked over and as calmly as he could asked if all was okay. The indigenous man claimed that the security guards had hit him. Martin then asked the securty guards if this was true to which they responded with “who gives you the authority to ask that?” Martin said he was just a concerned citizen and asked the security guard “who gave him the authority to hit this man?” At this point the security guards became very aggresive. They told Martin that he wasn’t even Australian and couldn’t speak English so he should butt out. They were encouarging him to fight them and eventually one of them poked him in the face with a pen. Martin would have liked to fight them but using all the strength he had he called the police instead.

The police came and took them all down to the station and they all made statements except the indigenous man because he was under the influence of alcohol. Of course the security guards told quite a different story to Martin. The police knowing the culture of security guards assured Martin they believed him and encouraged him to press charges. Martin agreed to, hoping that if someone showed the security guards that they could no longer get away with this behaviour, it may begin to change the culture. The security guards however were still able to ban Martin from the Coles complex in Alice for one year. Perhaps more annoying for me than for him.

Anyway, the police began investigating the incident and we have been waiting to hear ever since. Unfortunately they got back to Martin today and said there would be no point going ahead with the charges. Essentially it is his word against theirs and as they are two people plus two others they have convinced to back them up Martin wouldn’t have a chance. It is very frustrating. Martin especially is very angry about it all and disappointed. He feels that again justice has failed the underdogs and perhaps nothing we do makes a difference.

However I disagree. I believe that if everyone in Alice Springs stopped turning a blind eye to this and like Martin confronted the security guards about it, showing them we will no longer tolerate this bahaviour it would eventually cease. Most importantly though I believe that when Martin confronted the security guard he showed the indigenous man that he was worth standing up for. That he didn’t have to, like John and I imagine others, allow these guys to intimidate him so much. That there are non indignous people in Alice Springs who don’t think this behaviour is okay and are willing to say so. I hope more people, myself included, will be as courageous as Martin next time they witness an incident of bullying and say something.

Today makes exactly 4 months to go until my due date. Not that many people are born exactly on their due date (and I would be very happy if Che decided to come a little early) but it seems like a significant date. I feel like I am nicely over half way although it still seems like a long time away as well. I am getting so curious about who she is and what things she is going to like and not like and how she is going to look and all those things.

I am feeling pretty well health wise. Still not eating as I would like but the nausea has pretty much all gone and for that I am very grateful. It’s nice to be able to finally enjoy this a little. I am totally showing now (there are photos on facebook for any interested parties) and I feel pretty heavy but I am yet to get a lot bigger I imagine so I better not complain at this stage. Although nearly couldn’t get out of the hammock today so I don’t think I’ll be getting in their again unless someone is around to help me out. Our last check indicated that all okay with her and with me. Heartbeat sure is fast but they assure me that is normal. It is the most amazing sound. Most exciting part though is I can feel her moving around. Not kicks exactly but little flutterings. She is a mover. On the ultrasound she was moving around heaps. I asked if that was normal. The lady said it wasn’t a problem but at all but said she did move a lot. I wonder if that tells me anything about what she will be like as a person?

I am calling Che “she” as you may have noticed and that is not without reason. The ultrasound told us that she is going to be a girl. Not that they can be 100% sure about thses things but they said 90% which are pretty good odds on her being a girl.

We took Giles (our car) to the mechanic after it overheated on me the other night. The mechanic rang today and told me we that Giles needs a new radiator and that it might cost around $1000. I asked how the rest of the engine is, to know if it is worth fixing. He says he can’t really tell me until the radiator is fixed. Now I have to decide do I spend the money on a car that it probably not worth much more than that at the risk of finding out afterwards I am going to have spend another load of cash to fix something else or do we start thinking about buying a new car. I love Giles and would spend the money (especially as I just spent $500 on registration) if I knew this would be only problem but if it turns out that he is actually on his last legs all over then it will be a total waster. Decisions like this make me very stressed.

22 March – She’s a Mil had its 6th birthday. I read over some of the previous posts. Wierd. I was a very different person back then.

2 April – Martin and I were married for 5 years. Yay for us.

9 April – Marked 20 weeks pregnant. Half way there. Hoping the second half is going to be a little easier.

11 April – 7 years ago to the day that I met Martin. I wonder what I would have thought if I knew on that day 7 years later we’d be married, living in Alice Springs and about to have our first child. Anyway, even on that day I thought he was the most gorgeous and charming man ever. Now I know he is.

Here’s a song for you my beautiful soul.

“I wanna love you and treat you right;
I wanna love you every day and every night:
We’ll be together with a roof right over our heads;
We’ll share the shelter of my single bed;
We’ll share the same room, yeah – for Jah provide the bread.
Is this love – is this love – is this love –
Is this love that I’m feelin’?
Is this love – is this love – is this love –
Is this love that I’m feelin’?
I wanna know – wanna know – wanna know now!
I got to know – got to know – got to know now!

Is this love – is this love – is this love –
Is this love that I’m feelin’?
Is this love – is this love – is this love –
Is this love that I’m feelin’?
Wo-o-o-oah! Oh yes, I know; yes, I know – yes, I know now!
Yes, I know; yes, I know – yes, I know now!”

Is this love? Bob Marley

After almost 2 months of doing prettty much this nothing this week is filled with activity. I went camping on the weekend in the beautiful West McDonnell Ranges. We spent the first night camping near John and Malley’s outstation with them and their family and then the next two nights at Ruby Gap. It was high clearnace 4 wheel drive only into the place and it was intense for me but worth it. Ruby Gap is stunning and I was able to lie around most of the day, reading, sleeping, swimming in the waterhole and just enjoying the views and being in the great outdoors. Also went for some little walks and we had some fires in the evening under Central Australia’s incrediblt skies.

Today I am off to Darwin until Saturday. I have some training to do for work as well as catch up with colleagues there. I am hoping it is not too humid and disgusting there.

There are a number of grassy lawns around town – the council lawns, the hospital lawns and the church lawns. They are quite nice places to sit. Shady and the grass is green and soft. On a few occasions I have eaten my lunch on one of these lawns. Although everytime I have, I have noted that I am the only “white fella” among a number of groups of indigenous people. It is a stark reminder of the very real divisions in this town. Indigenous people eat lunch on the lawns and non indigenous people eat lunch in cafes.

For the first 6 weeks of this semester my wonderful colleague and friend Joy was helpign me with my classes. As you all know I have been so sick and was just unable to teach all my classes. unfortunately Joy decided to take another job and so we quickly hired someone else. That woman worked for one week but then decided not to continue. I was pretty worried as I would be left with the classes but it may have been a good thing as I didn’t get very good feedback about her from the students. This week I was left having to take the classes. Thank God this happens to be the week that I have begun to get a bit better as I would not have coped even two weeks ago but I have say a 30 hour week is still pretty hard on me and as I was walking into my last class for the week I was wondering how I was going to go. But no one showed up. I think last semester I may have taken this personally but now with enough good feedback from my students and enough experience with the fairly chaotic lives of many of my students I am not taking it personally. Rather I am taking it as another little blessing from God to help me get through this fairly intense period of my life.

17 weeks on Friday and I think I may be finally getting better. I have started accupuncture and it seems to be making all the difference. There are still waves of nausea, especially if I don’t eat every two hours, but it is not as constant. I also seem to finally have some energy. I have actually been getting up before 10am the last few days and have managed to clean my house and do some shopping and go to the pool. I also got to my Quaker meeting on Sunday for the first time in months.

Food is still a real chore. I am fairly constantly hungary but most foods really repulse me and if I eat anything too exotic or too healthy (Che doesn’ seem to what is good for him/her) I will vomit. My diet at the moment is toast for breakfast and then porridge for second breakfast. Tin spaghetti for lunch (can you believe it, tin spaghetti?) then an egg or a potatoe and a hot cross bun for afternoon tea. Then I have a chicken sandwich for dinner and yoghurt with banana before I go to bed. It’s not what you’d call eating for pleasure but it seems to be doing the trick.

Smell is also a real issue. I think it is amazing how much your sense of smell increases when you are pregnant, but it is a bit of pain as everytime I smell something I don’t like (which is most things) I find myself gagging. Anyway one smell I like is lemon. So I was advised by my accupuncturist to clean everything at home with lemon. I did and it is great. I also put lemon in my water now so everytime I smell something I dont’ like I sniff at my water until my stomach calms.

I hope I continue on the up. I have been sick for almost 3 months now (although it seems like forever) and I have definitely had enough.

We heard Che’s heartbeat today. For those of you who don’t know Che is the name of the baby while it is inside my tummy. Most of you know it is the nickname of the famous Latin American revolutionary but also the word used for mate in Argentina. I think little mate works for a fetus but it will definitely not be it’s name outside the tummy. Anyway, hearing Che’s heartbeat was very exciting. It was suprinsingly fast but the midwife said it was all very normal. I have to admit I live for signs of Che’s life, like the ultrasound and my slowly growing tummy, this heartbeat reminds of why I feel so crappy all the time and that it is worth it.

I was going to write about all the books I read again this year. I enjoyed doing that last year but I seem to be devouring books too quickly these days. In fact it’s about the only thing that I do really so I am up to about 15 already.

Apart from being able to read so many books this being pregnant thing has been really tough. A lot tougher than I expected, I think I was expecting morning sicknees to really be “morning” sickness and oh how wrong that was. I was vomitting up to three times a day for a few weeks there and could be at any time.

No cravings as yet, in fact food has become the bane of my existence. I’m fairly constantly hungry and know I need to feed the baby but almost everything repulses me and a lot of it comes up again anyway.

I feel out of control not having the energy to keep my house as clean as I like it, eat and exercise as much as I want, visit friends and attend my Quaker meetings and I don’t think my work is as good as it could be. Although I guess this is just the start of feeling out of control. Thankfully Martin is fantastic.

I’m 15 weeks now (well on Friday). I’m just starting to show but if you didn’t know you’d probably just think I was putting on weight,

Everyone tells me it’s all worth though and I have to say seeing the little one on the ultasound was pretty moving. I can’t imagine how I’ll feel when I actually have a baby my arms.