After three years of working with one of the oldest, crappiest laptops you can imagine the organisation I work for finally bought me a spiffy new desktop that is much faster, prettier and easier to use. Because it looked so good it inspired me to clean out/rearange my office. I got rid of a whole cupboard (I was brutal). Now I have much more space which is very important when you have a broom cupboard for an office. I really like it. When I opened the door this morning I though “how nice is this”. Only shame is I am leaving 4 weeks. I guess it will be super nice for my replacement (who they have already hired by the way).

I have watched way too much Brothers and Sisters this weekend. Really not healthy but I am a bit addicted.

Only my second movie of the year, that’s not much. John asked me after if I enjoyed it. I am not sure if it is the type of movie one enjoys, it was incredibly despressing but it was fascinating (although I am not sure exactly how much of it is really true). The main themes were George Bush’s early life and despite his family’s power the unlikely-hood of him becoming president and the Iraq war. Even though I know the outcome as I watched many of the conversations I found myself wishing them to go another way. Knowing that if they did all those lives could spared, the turmoil in Iraq and its consequences could be avoided.

The thing I found most confronting and most depressing in the film was its depiction of George’s faith. After the many discussions had between George and his top advisors he would demand that they all take a moment and then they would pray. I’m not against prayer obviously but to pray to Jesus, the prince of peace, the man who calls us to love our enemies and help those who are different, the man who went to the cross to die rather than take up swords, to pray to him after you have decided to make a pre-emptive strike on a nation for your own oil interests, hidden behind some moral grounds is one of the most truly blasphemous things I have ever seen.

Last week I had to attend a training on Bullying and Harassment in the workplace. I didn’t feel it was the best of use of my time but there are some very real bullying issues that go on in the organisation I work for so I was pleased they were doing it. It was however more of a waste of my time than I had thought it would be. In fact it was infuriating. The trainer was bad and disorganised (as a trainer I especially hate that) and kept using examples that were so far fetched and unrelated that no one really got thinking about the complexity of bullying and the power realtions in the building. Not to mention all the reall issues got glazed over and everyone went home feeling like they weren’t a bully. Even the lady who seemed to think rascist jokes boost morale. And the man who this morning when I requested some help with my computer stormed in as if it wasn’t his job,even though he is the IT support person, sighed loudly, rolled his eyes when I didn’t know the answers and to some questions and stormed out again. All because his is busy. The universal excuse it seems for rudeness and incompetence in the world even though I don’t know anyone who isn’t busy.

Book Two: The Dance of Connection by Harriet Lerner. I found this book very helpful. I wasn’t convinced I would when I first started. I guess you could call it a “self help” book, a genre I tend to avoid but once I got over that I liked it. I think perhaps we all need one here and there. It was practical I felt like I could make some small changes that would be hugely beneficial.

Book Three: Travelling Mercies by Anne Lamott. I loved this book. It was my second Anne Lamott book. The first one I didn’t like so much but thought I would give her another go as I kept hearing other people (esp Jane) talk about her and she sounded like someone I should I like a lot. And I did. I think most people feel like this in response to her that is her magic and why people like her so much, but she reminded me so much of myself. Messy and broken yet together and healed all at the same time. She lives in the grace of God here and now. She is in no way self righteous or judgmental and doesn’t impose what she believes on others. She also has Leunig’s unique ability to turn ordinary life experiences into extraordinary life experiences, reminding me of the divine in the little things.

I have been lamenting the state of the church a fair bit lately. Depite only being with us for a few weeks, our current locum has made some big changes, all of which I am struggling with but I feel like I have been silenced. I won’t go into details but I feel like I am now attending a very exclusive church that has no relevance to the local community at all and is not calling us to anything beyond our own personal eternal life after death. It is also boring, predictable and comfortable. All things that I am fairly sure the early church wasn’t and I am definitely sure Jesus wasn’t although the experience does make me wonder if I have it all wrong and if there is a place for me within the church. This hurts because as much as I struggle with the church I also really want to be a part of it. I love Jesus, I want to follow him and be close to him and eat at his table. I want to hear people speak about him and be challenged. I want to read the Bible and pray and be community with others who also want to this.

In more positive news we have made a nomination. I think I am allowed to say that. Our bishop announced it in church last week when he was speaking so I figure I am allowed to as long as I don’t use names. I am excited about the nomination. Being a nominator is really hard work and I have found it fairly confronting for all the above reasons so I am excited it is nearly over. But also I really like this guy. I am holding out hope for a different kind of leadership from the one we have right now and the one I have seen so often around the place.

I am currently living in Hornsby again with Jane, John and Hannah. They are very kindly offering me hospitality in between moving out of Glebe and before I go to Alice Springs. It is lovely to be here, I love how bushy it is here especially after so long in the inner city. And I am mostly ignoring the boxes in the corner that make me feel like I am in the middle of a move. Thankfully we do not have much stuff at all.

The move last weekend went pretty well. It was moving and moving is stressful but I mostly held it together and it was certainly a much less traumatic move than when we left Enmore and moved to Glebe. I guess our limited possessions helped that. It was a bit sad though. We spent the last night there on Saturday. The only thing left was our bed which we were giving to someone from GAPP. Anyway we went to church and by the time I came back after interviewing a minister the guy had come and got the bed and the people moving in after us were already there with all their stuff. I walked in yelling out “hello” and all of a sudden realised “oh my gosh this isn’t my home anymore”. Thankfully I knew the people moving in but it was still embarrassing and so abrupt. As I took off in the car to go to Hornsby I felt very sad that Glebe would no longer be home. But not too sad. Again not as sad as when I left Enmore. I think leaving Enmore was terrible as the thing I had loved most, living with Jem, Ryan, Jo, Tom, Jon and Matt in community would no longer be. Whereas the thing that I have loved most about living in Glebe was making a home with Martin and we will be able to do that in Alice as well.

Martin is not here at the moment though. He left on Wednesday morning. I miss him already. I really do.

In the bathrooms at a central station. Two women doing their hair chatting. One an older women, perhaps in late sixties brushing back her neat grey hair. The other a young punk with dreadlocks, fishnets and long boots (different colours). The younger woman asks if she looks okay, the older one says yes.

On Saturday night Martin and I went to see Baghdad Wedding. Matt’s room mate who works for Belvoir got us free tickets and we loved it. Martin very nearly didn’t come, he told me he didn’t like plays, but when we were speaking to his mum she asked what we were doing for Valentine’s Day (that hadn’t registered at that point). I told her that her son was refusing to come to a play with him so she had words with him on my behalf. I don’t know what she said but it worked.

He was glad he came in the end. The play was good. It looked at the war in Iraq and Islam in a way I hadn’t seen before and it challnged some of my ideas. It didn’t buy into any of the usual cliches and wasn’t black and white. It was also funny and sad and well written and acted and the music was good.

The experience was made even richer for us as we had, had the pleasure of sharing a meal before hand with an elderly Jewish couple. We had arrived early so bought dinner and then sat down with this couple as there were no other seats. We got to chatting with them and they shared a bit of their story. He was a Polish Holocaust survivor, she was Australian. It was a play about a wedding so they told us about Jewish weddings. They had been married for 35 years and loved the theatre. It was a rare moment. We a young Christian couple of Australian and Peruvian descent chatting with an elderly Jewish couple of Australian and Polish descent before a play about Muslim Iraqi’s. I felt strongly that I, that the world needs more interactions such as these. I felt that God, the God of these three religions was there.

Martin bought me the Juno soundtrack which I love. i dedicate the first song to him:

“If I was a flower growing wild and free
All I’d want is you to be my sweet honey bee.
And if I was a tree growing tall and green
All I’d want is you to shade me and be my leaves

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea”

*replace the word bride for husband