There are a number of grassy lawns around town – the council lawns, the hospital lawns and the church lawns. They are quite nice places to sit. Shady and the grass is green and soft. On a few occasions I have eaten my lunch on one of these lawns. Although everytime I have, I have noted that I am the only “white fella” among a number of groups of indigenous people. It is a stark reminder of the very real divisions in this town. Indigenous people eat lunch on the lawns and non indigenous people eat lunch in cafes.

For the first 6 weeks of this semester my wonderful colleague and friend Joy was helpign me with my classes. As you all know I have been so sick and was just unable to teach all my classes. unfortunately Joy decided to take another job and so we quickly hired someone else. That woman worked for one week but then decided not to continue. I was pretty worried as I would be left with the classes but it may have been a good thing as I didn’t get very good feedback about her from the students. This week I was left having to take the classes. Thank God this happens to be the week that I have begun to get a bit better as I would not have coped even two weeks ago but I have say a 30 hour week is still pretty hard on me and as I was walking into my last class for the week I was wondering how I was going to go. But no one showed up. I think last semester I may have taken this personally but now with enough good feedback from my students and enough experience with the fairly chaotic lives of many of my students I am not taking it personally. Rather I am taking it as another little blessing from God to help me get through this fairly intense period of my life.

17 weeks on Friday and I think I may be finally getting better. I have started accupuncture and it seems to be making all the difference. There are still waves of nausea, especially if I don’t eat every two hours, but it is not as constant. I also seem to finally have some energy. I have actually been getting up before 10am the last few days and have managed to clean my house and do some shopping and go to the pool. I also got to my Quaker meeting on Sunday for the first time in months.

Food is still a real chore. I am fairly constantly hungary but most foods really repulse me and if I eat anything too exotic or too healthy (Che doesn’ seem to what is good for him/her) I will vomit. My diet at the moment is toast for breakfast and then porridge for second breakfast. Tin spaghetti for lunch (can you believe it, tin spaghetti?) then an egg or a potatoe and a hot cross bun for afternoon tea. Then I have a chicken sandwich for dinner and yoghurt with banana before I go to bed. It’s not what you’d call eating for pleasure but it seems to be doing the trick.

Smell is also a real issue. I think it is amazing how much your sense of smell increases when you are pregnant, but it is a bit of pain as everytime I smell something I don’t like (which is most things) I find myself gagging. Anyway one smell I like is lemon. So I was advised by my accupuncturist to clean everything at home with lemon. I did and it is great. I also put lemon in my water now so everytime I smell something I dont’ like I sniff at my water until my stomach calms.

I hope I continue on the up. I have been sick for almost 3 months now (although it seems like forever) and I have definitely had enough.

We heard Che’s heartbeat today. For those of you who don’t know Che is the name of the baby while it is inside my tummy. Most of you know it is the nickname of the famous Latin American revolutionary but also the word used for mate in Argentina. I think little mate works for a fetus but it will definitely not be it’s name outside the tummy. Anyway, hearing Che’s heartbeat was very exciting. It was suprinsingly fast but the midwife said it was all very normal. I have to admit I live for signs of Che’s life, like the ultrasound and my slowly growing tummy, this heartbeat reminds of why I feel so crappy all the time and that it is worth it.

I was going to write about all the books I read again this year. I enjoyed doing that last year but I seem to be devouring books too quickly these days. In fact it’s about the only thing that I do really so I am up to about 15 already.

Apart from being able to read so many books this being pregnant thing has been really tough. A lot tougher than I expected, I think I was expecting morning sicknees to really be “morning” sickness and oh how wrong that was. I was vomitting up to three times a day for a few weeks there and could be at any time.

No cravings as yet, in fact food has become the bane of my existence. I’m fairly constantly hungry and know I need to feed the baby but almost everything repulses me and a lot of it comes up again anyway.

I feel out of control not having the energy to keep my house as clean as I like it, eat and exercise as much as I want, visit friends and attend my Quaker meetings and I don’t think my work is as good as it could be. Although I guess this is just the start of feeling out of control. Thankfully Martin is fantastic.

I’m 15 weeks now (well on Friday). I’m just starting to show but if you didn’t know you’d probably just think I was putting on weight,

Everyone tells me it’s all worth though and I have to say seeing the little one on the ultasound was pretty moving. I can’t imagine how I’ll feel when I actually have a baby my arms.

Too sick to think about what to blog, too sick to actully blog and all I would probably blog about anyway is how sick I am. And that like this post isn’t very interesting.

I arrived home last night after 25 days away. I was very happy to be here. The weather is perfect and everything is green from the rain. Not to mention it is just so good to sleep in my own bed and not live out of a bag. Especially good as the sickness has continued since my last post and when you are sick there is nothing is like home. Today I am going with Jo and Victor to find some waterholes so I think I will blog about road trip on the next post but perhaps I will finish up about the holiday in Sydney.

So where was I up to? I was having dinner with an old school friend last Friday but was very unwell. When I arrived at her place I just collapsed on her lounge wondering how I was going to get through. She asked if I was up for dinner and I explained that food was good so we got in her car and headed to a restaurant. On the way she had to pull over though so I could vomit all over the gutter and some of her car. Not the most dignified moment of my life but I felt much better for it and I was able to have a good time with her. It was a lovely meal on Dee Why beach and great to hear about what she’s been up to.

She dropped at my grandparents in Collaroy where I stayed that night and the next day I was able to spend on the beach with my family. It was the perfect day for it and the water was awesome. We also had a big lunch at my grandmother’s before returning to Jane’s. I was feeling pretty sick again in the evening but Tom came round with a movie which we watched. It was very kind of him.

On Sunday there was a farewell picnic for the Guatemalans in Hornsby park. Still sick but I got there and it was a lovely afternoon in the park with them and the crew from Hornsby. We had a swim in the pool which was very comforting to me and then I had a lemonade with the other school friend who I still see. That evening we had Thai food which I think was a bit mistake for me but the people were lovely and it was my last night in Sydney. I felt sad to be leaving again. I miss all my friends in Sydney and how comfortable and normal it all feels when I am with them. On the other hand it was good to be heading home………

So time to catch up my time here in Sydney.

It’s been a pretty hectic time since leaving Kat and Tom’s early Christmas morning after a late night of picnic’s at Glebe and Christmas Eve services. It was great to go to Glebe church and catch up with the crew there. Also, great to see the new minister in action after all the hard nominating work and he seems to be going very well. Everyone there seems pretty happy. I have to say it all felt like another world to me though.

Christmas day was good fun. We had a picnic with the Frenches, Castles, Hayes-Hidalgos plus some other lovelies. It wasn’t really the right weather for a picnic but we made it work in the end. It was good to be on the Harbour and to eat good food and to be with a group of people who feel like family. Then it was off to my grandmother’s. She put on her usual amazing spread of food and wine and it was a lovely evening of eating, present giving and catching up.

We spent the night there with the hope of the hitting the beach the next day but alas the weather was still not great so after breakfast we headed back to Eastwood where we spent the night with John who was a wonderful host to us. The next day I went to Newtown with Gem to buy a dress. We caught up with Jem as well and she showed us her new home. In the evening we saw Avatar at Hornsby and I have already wrote about that. We left John’s the next day (now the 28th) to pick up Jo, Victor and the five other Guatemalans. It was very exciting to see them. We drove back to Jane’s for a welcome lunch and then dinner.

The 29th was Peats Ridge time. After having an afternoon tea with David and Andreana, Jem and I headed down on the bus at three. We walked down into Glenworth Valley where the festival was and sat around and drank Chai til the others (Keith, Ryan, Gem and my mum ) arrived. My friend from Alice, Joy, was also there so she joined us for Chai. The next three days were filled with music and swimming in the river and more chai. It was a beautiful venue and we heard some great music and had a lot of fun but it was pretty intense for me. It was all very loud and the weather wasn’t the best and I was feeling pretty tired so I found it all a bit full on. Coming home on the 1st was a relief and having a cleansing shower and sleep. We spent the night at Janet’s who was another gracious host. Jem, Gem, Janet and I had dinner and movie with Jo before her Australian wedding.

The Australian wedding or Happy Party the next day was truly a very happy party. I had a great time catching up with people and dancing and most importantly celebrating Jo and Victor and marriage. The weather was not perhaps what the hosts were hoping for but it was phenomenal none the less. We spent the night with Jess in Wollongong and headed back to the party venue for breakfast with the crew in the morning.

From there it was on to Tamworth. A long drive from Wollongong and I was not feeling the best most of the day. It was great to get there and see my dad and my grandparents. My dad’s done some more great things with his house. I was able to have a much needed quiet day on the 4th. I was still sick and pretty tired from all the events so I just slept and read all day. It was my father’s 50th party that evening. Another great event with lots of catching up with special people. My grandma and aunts and Gemma said some pretty moving but very honest things about my dad. It was very him I think. We spent the next day in Tamworth as well. We went swimming in the river and had Thai food for dinner. Tamworth actually has a decent Thai restaurant these days which was exciting. We drove back to Sydney the next day and stayed with Janet that night.

I was still sick the next day and today so I have just been resting at Jane’s feeling sorry for myself and complaining to anyone who will listen. It’s not a bad place for that either as there are lots of people coming and going from this place at the moment. I was pleased though that Martin and I had the place to ourselves last night so were able to enjoy a romantic dinner and a movie before everyone came home again.

Now I have to prepare to head to Manly for dinner with an old school friend and then staying at my grandmother’s. I am praying my health and the weather will allow me to hit the beach this weekend as I have been desperate to for the whole trip but haven’t managed to.

I probably should be writing about Christmas and New Year and all the big news that we have (and I will do that soon) but I just want to get in the last movie and

Movie 9 – Avatar
This movie was very cool. Not life changing or anything but enjoyable. It was very beautiful and the 3D effects were very special I thought. This movie is about humans going to anpother planet to mine some valuable mineral. However there are some indigenous creatures on this planet whose homes are going to be destroyed in the process. Some humans get to know the indigenous creatures and one of course falls in love with one so they fight to protect them. The ending is predictable and while I was very pleased of course that all ended up ok part of me was hoping that perhaps it wouldn’t. Because in real life it has not been a happy ending for indigenous people, their land and meaning has been taken from them. Perhaps if this had happened in a fictional story such as this that had people so emotionally involved people may be more aware of what is going for indigenous communities around the world. Maybe not but you know what I am getting at.

Book 14 – “On Rage” by Germaine Greer.
This was a pretty small book, a long essay really about rage, specifically about the rage carried by indigenous men. It may be surprising to know that a book written by Germaine Greer was actually quite sympathetic to men and very well thought out. She basically made the point that indigenous men are drinking and being violent because they are filled with rage. While white men indigenous women have been able to hold on to some of their traditional roles and meanings through child birth and raising the men have almost totally lost their roles. She argues that alcohol restrictions and all other programs etc etc that are implemented are not going to work unless we create a space for this rage to be expressed (and maybe this won’t even work). She feels that the NT intervention actually creates a bigger tension between indigenous men and women and drives a wedge between them as it often portrayed as been about white people protecting indigenous women from their men. However she is quick to point out that white men have certainly not been portectors of indigenous women. The whole stolen generation basically amounts from the rape of indigenous women by white men. It is a bleak book but an important one I think.

So 14 books read and 9 movies seen in 2009. Not a bad effort really, especially as I managed to see more movies that Howie.

We flew into Sydney last night. An hour late and like icebergs because the aircon was so cold on the plane but excited to be here. Kat and Tom picked us up which was great and we headed into Newtown for some drinks and Thai food. Really good thai it was amazing and we bumped into three other people that we knew, including Josh which made me feel like I could have been in Alice. We made it home with gelato and Kat and I a little bit tipsy for late night conversations in their backyard.

This morning we headed out for breakfast in downtown concord. It all felt very inner west. It isn so good to be here. Tom and Kat asked if it was weird to be here after so long but it’s not really. While I am very conscious of the people and traffic and advertising coming in being here feels very normal. It’s amazing how you can not see some people for ages but as soon you do it just feels like they’re your friends and that’s it.