I don’t know how to find the time to blog more. I imagine it would be easier if my computer wasn’t so stupidly slow and I wsa a faster typer and if my hands sisn’t go numbe from the cold when I was typing like they are now, I think i will go and look for some gloves.

Okay I am back with gloves Yay.

So life well quite a lot has been happening really. Lots of assessments in thae last couple of weeks. I got one back and passed, the professor ticked all the very good boxes so that is good. There are two more thatv I haven’t got back , one I know I did quie well in but the other I am very worried about, It was a Psychology exam and for some reason I just can’t seem to get myself together in exams. I mean I felt like I knew the stuff but I ended up spending 45 mins on tghe first question and then had only 45 min left to do the other three and when I read back over it I thought that is not what I wanted to say. I think I might visit the study skills unit and ask them for some tips on how to do exams. Luckily most of my course is assessment and not exams.

My friend MAria was also out visiting Ryan and I and another friend called Jason. We had some fu together especially on Ryans birthday. Maria and I also took the ferry to Manly walked on the beach and had dinner. We had a bit of a discussion in regards to Ayni and some of the things that went on in Peru and I got the feeling she was pretty angry with me abouit some stuff. I don’t know if she has fully moved on but I am really happy that we managed to get it out in the open adn begin the process of sorting through some of it even if a lot of it was a bit hurtful to me. I think I have to start learning not to take things that aren’t personal, personally, especially in regards to Ayni. I tend to be a bit to protective of it and the things that I did in Peru but the truth is that we are all learning as we go along adn some things work and some don’t, we have to take the mistakes with the good things and that’s just that. I remember returning from that TEAR conference adn feeling best about hearing about other peoples struggles. I remember thinking that all othe organisations seem so good adn look at all the great things they are doing, there must be something wrong with me that so much doesn’t seem t work in Ayni and then I realised through sharing with others that many people doing this stuff have similiar struggles to me and that was very comforting and challenged me to keep going despite the difficulty.

Sometimes been disorganised really pays off. I thought that I had an assessment due tommorrow so I finished the one that was due today a couple of days ago and I have worked really hard to get the one for tommorrow done and I almost there. Now I just found out that the assessment isn’t due until next week. How good is that. I can go to sleep for a bit today. I have had the flu for almost a week now and I have been unable to shake it, it is driving me crazy. Sleep would be good.

Well I said I wan’t going to do this but it appears that the excitement has finally gotton to me and I have to do something.

Yay Martin will be here in 25 days. (not including today)

And I haven’t smoked a cigarette in 3 months and 7 days.

I think that is all I can think of that I am counting at the moment.

In the woman who works the street,
In the man with blistered feet
I seek your face.
In the battered wife who bleeds,
In the husband she can’t leave
I seek your face.
Jesus, I seek you, I seek your face.

In the enemy I despise,
In the hatred I can’t hide
I seek your face.
Where addictions have all gone wrong,
In the ones who don’t belong
I seek your face.
Jesus, I seek you, I seek your face.

In the memories of a child,
In the fears that run so wild
I seek your face.
In the longing to be free,
Amid all the frailty
I seek your face
Jesus, I seek you, I seek your face.

This is a song that we sing at St John’s sometimes and I love it and I really need it now.

It has been a really stressful week for me and I am exhausted. I have been confronted by a lot of my personal ‘enemies” for want of a better word, both people and things and I have struggled to be loving, to be trusting, to be forgiving. I have struggled to seek Jesus in these people, these things and the most difficult of all, (not mentioned in the song, but also important), I have failed to seek Jesus in myself.

I hope that I can.

I just tried to call Martin and his stupid phone isn’t working and I am annoyed. Silly Peruvian phone company, I think it breaks down more than Cityrail. Well maybe not that much. This morning I had to get up at 7.00, yes 7.00 on Sunday morning to drive mum and Keith to the airport because there is no trains on the wekend. Oh well at least getting up means I can have a siesta. I am bringing back the siesta. Well I am bringing it over and I am trying to have one most afternoons.

On that thought I am not so frustrated. Yay

I have re fallen in love with Luenig.

I have always found prayer a really hard thing but I continue to struggle with and at the moment I have re-fallen in love with Luenig book a common prayer. it is so helpful to me.

‘A man kneels before a duck in a sincere attempt to to talk with it. This a clear depiction of irrational behavour and an important aspect of prayer. The act of kneeling symbolises humility. The upright stance has been abandoned because of the human attitudes and qualities it represents: power, stature, control, rationality, worldliness, pride and ego. The kneeling man knows as everbody does that a proud and upright man can not talk to a duck.’

Well I have to say that right now I think that I am the happiest person in the whole world. Yay on Thursday Martina and I found that he has a visa and I went to the travel agent today and booked him a flight for the 15th of September so he will be arriving here on the 17th of September. Oh my god I am so excited that it is finally happening. I can’t stop smiling and I just want to stamp my feet all the time to get rid of it.

When he told me I was overwhelmed with gratefulness. I think that this time apart has been really good for us. It has shown us that we can stay committed to eachother no matter how far away we are and that we still want to be together no matter how hard it is.

It has given us a chance to get to know eachother better as well. During our phone conversations we have talked about so much and that is good.

I was also grateful for all the people that have been so involved in all this with me. For all the people who prayed with us and all the people who listened to me endlessly talk about it and the people who sat with me when I as really unsure if it was all going to happen, It has been nice to realise how good my friends are.

I was finally grateful to God for staying with us the whole time. Waiting with us and making sure that we never lost hope and giving us the strength and courage to keep going with it all.

I just finished my second day of full time uni. God I love being a full time student, getting up in the morning is so much easier now that I know that I don’t have to go to the Chatswood Skin Cancer Physicians. The classes also seem quite good. The teacher last night introduced the subject saying “Hi and welcome to Pscycolgical Perspectives on Adult Learning, the best subject in this course, actually the best course ever” I love that, I think when a teacher is passsionate about what they teach when they love it, it transfers on to the students. I remember my modern history teacher said the same thing in year 11 and I thought it was stupid but by the time I finished year 12 I think modern history was my favourite subject. I guess that is the first lesson for me as a teacher be passionate about what you are teaching.

I am passionate about teaching. I really believe in education and the difference that it can make in bringing about social change. the growing gap between rich and poor is also the growing gap between the educated and teh non educated.

God I hope that I can be good educator. I pray for wisdom and patience to be able to do this.

I am so bad at staying in touch with people. I guess I am just disorganised and busy and well quite forgetful. Then I think there is my insecurities and I think there reaches a time when I think oh it too late they wouldn’t want to hear from me anymore, it has been such long time and I don’t write. I realised tonight that I shouldn’t do that. One of my friends who I hadn’t heard from in ages wrote me an email. It was so nice and I loved it. I think I might d that once a week. Look up my email contacts and write to someone who I haven’ heard from in about six months or a year or something and write to them. Staying in touch is important.

I guess that really is the theme for tonight as I have a friend coming over for dinner who I have not seen in about two years. i am really looking forward to it but a little nervous, I wonder if after that amount of time you will have anything in cmmon with people and really where does one begin in telling someone about their lif for the last two years?

Actually I take that back I know where I will start, Yay that means I can talk Peru to someone who hasn’t already heard it about 500 times and I just finished putting my photo album together and I can show it to someone who hasn’t seen all the photos seperately. I love my photo album and I think I did a pretty good job of putting it together.