Nice pants, sexy legs Chris.

Feeling a bit low to be honest. I think it is the combination of not really being able to shake this silly cold that just goes on and on mixed with the fact that it is looking like Martin’s brother is not going to be able to come to Australia, my grandfather is very sick, somehow we seem to have found ourselves in a little bit of debt again when I wanted to have saved money and I am very much missing Peru again. I have not missed Peru this much for ages. I mean I often think about it and I look forward to being there again some day and seeing the people I love but today I am filled with a strong ache for it that is weighing heavily on my heart.

I am thinking about that cartoon by Luenig that has a man sitting on a park bench staring sadly into the ground and next to it he has written something like this situation will chang, this time will pass”. As always they are very simple but wise words.

Jemma and Jo have put lots of little quotes and poems and pictures all around our house and I really love them. It is very exciting to come home and find some new words of wisdom or something pretty on the wall. So yesterday I started putting up some of my own and I am very excited by them. I put up a blessing and a Luenig (of course) and John Coleman’s song “Bless this house” that we sung at the wedding and the first night that we lived here. Each time I walk past I get warm, fuzzy feeling.

Today I put up the song “I seek you face.” I seek your face is like my favourite worship song ever and the other day I found out that my boss wrote it. It turns out that she used to work and live in the Kings Cross area and wrote it during that time. I knew her name sounded familiar. I was very excited by that too. I put up some faces around it. Martin said I should put up George Bush’s face and I said no but later I thought that would be probably be good as there is a line in the song that goes, “in the enemy I despise, in the hatred I can’t hide, Jesus I seek you, I seek your face”. I reckon if I could learn to see Jesus in him I would probably be able to find Jesus in anyone.

Very difficult though…….

I have finished my assessment.

It is 25 pages long. That is pretty long if you ask me.

Now I am off to enjoy as Dosa and relax knowing that it is done.

I am at work and I have nothing really to do. I don’t feel good about that as they are paying me. This is the first time that this has happened which is good. I hope it doesn’t happen a lot. I am waiting for lots of phone calls you see and emails and stuff. When people reply I will have something to do.

I don’t have the nicest office at work. There is no window and it is kind of dreary coloured. It is also pretty small. Smallness is not that big a deal to me but I would love a window. I try to get out at lunch time as there is a lovely park across the road and I have enjoyed many a luch break sitting there reading but I don’t always mange. I have decorated it a little though to make it feel homely and add some colour. I have a photo of Martin and I that Jo took when he first got here. He looks very cute. And I also have some pictures from TEAR magazines and a Luenig prayer that goes like this.

“We give thanks for the invention of the handle.
Weithout it there waoulkd be many things we couldnt’ hold on to.
As for the thigns that we can’t hold on to anyway, let us gracefully accept their ungrasable nature and celebrate all things elusive, fleeting and intangible.
They mystify us adn make us us recptive to truth and beauty.
We celebrate and give thanks.
Amen.”

Should be studying, should be getting ready to go to Rough Edges,should be having a rest but I am not doing any of those things I am blogging.

Feeling pretty good at the moment. Work is good, though having to work on Saturdays is a bit sucky. Home is good. Martin is good, now that we have made the first year it is all smooth sailing from here. Wishful thinking I am sure but things are pretty peaceful at the moment. God is good, The weather is good, I really love this time of year, autumn is just so snuggly without being too cold. Uni is good, but I guess that is because we are almost on holidays. The food I ate last night was good.

It really is time to go.

Well there is lots going on in my life at the moment and it is all really good stuff. Things in my new job here at Vinnies are going great. I really like it. My first big task has been to ring up all the volunteers and introduce myself and see how things are going between them and their friends. Most people have been great and have been very open in telling me their stories and sharing their struggles. Some of them I really don’t know how to respond to which makes me feel a little overwhelmed but I think they just like the opprtunity to talk. Some of the issues I can relate to. They are similiar issues that I have dealt with at Rough Edges. Namely feeling like I am not really doing anything and feeling like I will never understand people’s issues.

I have to run a peer support meeting soon and I think I will address the issue of understanding. I want to use a quote from a fantastic book that I just read called “the curious incident of the dog in the night time”. I think that is the name. Anyway I totally reccommend it to anyone it is so good. It is written through the eyes of a little boy with Aspergers Syndrome and it gives one more understanding of the illness than any text book could give. Most of it is specific to Aspergers but some of it can give you a small glimpse into the issues that many people with Mental Illness may have. I will write a section here that I may use which I just love.

“All the other children at my school are stupid. Except I am not meant to call them stupid, even though this is what they are. I’m meant to say that they have learning difficulties or they have special needs. But this is stupid beacuse everyone has learning difficulties beacuse learning to speak French or understading Relativity is difficult, and also everyone has special needs, like Father who has to carry a packet of artificial sweetening tablets around with him to put into his coffee to stop him getting fat, or Mrs Peters who wears a beige coloure hearing aid, or Siobhan who has glasses so thick that they give you headache if you borrow them, and noe of these people are Special Needs, even if they have special needs.

But Siobhan said we have ti use those words becuase people used to call children like the children at school spaz and crip and mong which are nasty words. But that is stupid too because sometimes the children from the school down the road see us in the street when we are getting off the bus and they shout, “Special Needs! Special Needs! Special Needs!” But I don’t take any notice of them because I don’t listen to what other people say and only sticks and stones can break my bones and I have a Swiis Army Knife if they hit me and if I kill them it will be self defence and I won’t go to prison”

Sadnes does not last forever ewhen we walk in the direction of that which we always desired.
Is it always necessary to leave?
It’s always necessary to know when a stage of one’s life has ended. If you stubbornly cling to it after the need has passed you loss the joy and the meaning of the rest, and you risked being shaken to your senses by God.

The Fifth Mountain, Paulo Coehlo, conversation between Elijah and the widows son when Elijah is leaving.

I have been carrying this around in my diary for awhile and wanting to do something with it. Nothing has come to me except blog it. It has been helpful to me. I love my new house and my new job but there has been some letting go involved which has like all letting go being a little painful. Also being on the journey with David and being with him in his pain about leaving and that bringing up lots of fears about my own inevitable departure from this country for who knows how long I have found it a comfort. Hopefully I will remember where to find it when that time comes. Anyway n

I just find out about the postponement of the U2 tickets. I am sad and worried that it will be cancelled altogether.

I like being awake late at night so much more than I like getting up early. It is so quiet and relaxing and I think I have been more productive on some of my assessments tonight than I have all week. I am trying to get a good start on them so it is less stessful when I start work. My Spanish one is relatively interesting. It is about the film motorcycle diaries. I was very interested to find out that many of the interactions between Ernesto “Che” Guevara and the local people were not actually scripted. They were completely improvised. I like that it gives it a more authentic feel.

The only problem with late nights is that the cockroaches seem to think that I want their company and I don’t. Also Martin is definitley a morning person so our hours seem to clash., Well can’t really complain, compared to some of the dilemas of marriage that is a relatively small one.