Hutch: Are you crying?

Starsky: No, I am not, I don’t cry.

Hutch: It’s okay to cry.

Starsky: That’s all very good but I don’t cry, I work out, I have hobbies.

“By the way for the passenger that just got on at Wynyard, it is polite to say thank you when someone reopens the door for you, especially if they’re not supposed to. Sorry I am just human.”

Yes it is true, this is the message that I heard over the loud speaker on the train today coming back from uni. I thought that was great, except she shouldn’t have said, sorry I am just human, she should have said. I am human. I wish that people would stop apologising for been just human, when they say something that is important to them, they should pronounce that they are saying thsi because they are human and it is important and they are proud.

I had an okay day today, I went to work and that was the usual adn thhen I went to the hairdressers before uni, it was a bit of a spur of the moment thing as it was cheap and I felt sick of my hair. It was a good experience though which is unusual as I usually hate going to teh hairdresser, I find they are always really pretensious and nasty to the apprentces but today wasn’t like that. He was an iranian guy who did not speak much english, well enough but not great and I asked him if he thought Australians wereracist, he did not understand racist so I aked if people were nice to him or were they bad when he idn’t speak good english and he said “no not at all, Australian people are always trying to help me and they are very understanding.” This gave me so much hope for Martin, maybe it won’t be so bad after all. However I think it is a bad haircut. Mind you neither Robert or Tom noticed it when I got home so it can’t be that bad.

I saw my old friend from school Brianna on the train today, it was good. I like her, she may be one of the very few of my friends who I actually have anything in common with now that we have left school. I gave her my number, I hope that she calls as I would really like to see her again but I am not sure if she will, I mean she seemed happy to see me but she is a little bit, I don’t really know how describe but not the kind of person who I think will call.

Uni wasn’t so good, everybody just started winging about how bad the ubi systems and tafe systems in this country are and I thought and I know that you are all sick of hearing me say this and are saying “oh mil, the socialist is at it again” but really the ubiversities of Peru spent months on strike last year, months and then went back with about a $1 pay rise and there is no HECS so if you can’t pay now, you can’t go and they are not even that good, you have the choice of about five subjects and that’s it. I mean I just wish people here could appreciate wht they had, so I said that and I got in return, “yes but this is a first world country” I liked that you know, we are so far ahead of third world countries now that we don’t even bother comparing, we just have to compare with other first world countries, now we really areliving in two worlds.

I didn’t go to work today and it was good. Fridas once a month I have an RDO to go uni and today was it. I spent the morning sleeping as I got home very late. I had gone to Streetwize tlast night and when it fifnished I had coffee with Fuzz, actually we didn’t drink coffee, it is funny how you always say we had coffee, when you didn’t drink coffee and what is even funnier is the way we ‘do’ coffee now, not drink it of have it but ‘do’ it. What exactly does that mean? Well that is off the track a bit but anway we had apple juices and salads and after I went into the Cross and had a drink with Gemma and Matt. Well because Iwas been so careful not to drink and drive we satyed for a long time so I wouldn’t be over and we got back to the carpark and it was locked so we couldn’t get out so we had to catch a taxi home and I picked the car up after uni today. That was good though as David and I walked from the uni into Darlinghurst adn had no not coffee, though I think that is what I told Gemma when I got home, but potatoes, bruschetta and lemonade. Lots of goodness there.

Today I caught a train from Chatswood to the city and because I have a weekly ticket to Hornsby I just automatically got on and I forgot to buy a ticket for the city. This has happened once before and I was lucky that my friend Brett told me that there was no machines at Redfern so I told the guy that there was no machines at Redfern and he let me through, and yes I did go and buy a ticket after this, I promise I am not intentionally trying to rip off cityrail. But this time I was not quite sure what I would do as the man had sen me put my ticket in the machine and it had com up not valid, yes it took me to this point to realise what I had done. As he approached me I was thinking ‘oh no what am I going to say, I wonder if he will believe my story’ but all he did was open the gate and say “sorry mam” without even looking at my ticket. It was very lucky so I am not complaining, in fact probably, I ma the only person who has realy benefited from Cityrail staff in the last couple of months so I just want to say how wonderful I think City rail are at the moment. I did wonder though what is the job of a ticket inspector if he doesn’t even inspect tickets.

Apart from that a fairly uneventful day today. Went to work and then Uni, it was a good class, I ma starting to enjoy it which is good as it is very hard to go to something after you have been working all day that you don’t even enjoy. Though I have to say the elevators at UTS suck, there are 6 of them but only two go to odd numbered floors and of course my class is on an odd number so I always have to wait a long time, I know I could walk but it is floor 23. So anyway today we are all in the elevator after class and our odd floor elevator stops on an even floor and someone in my class says, not another dickhead who makes us stop on an even floor thinking that the person was outside waiting, unfortunately for him this was not the case and we all chuggled as a student gets out leaving our friend feeling quite embarassed. I just have to say I think it is so hillarious when things like that happen, you know when someone totally puts their foot in it. I mean not in a nasty way just in a funny way as it happens to me so often and I can still really enjoy it.

I am going to go bed now, chuckling to myself about all of that.

I woke up today saying oh no it is 10.00 and I wanted to get up at 9.00 to do my study So I got up, had a shower and ran downstairs to eat breakfast really quickly but I knew I just couldn’t eat it faster enough to have enough time to blog and then Jane said, “I am going to church” and I said, “Aren’t you a bit late and she said, Daylight savings ended toay and I thought “Yay now I have a whole hour to blog” I must admit I spent some time chatting and writing emails but now here I am.

I had a really good night last night. I went to Newtown with Cathy and Andrew and Ryan, three very cool people that I like a lot and ate Thai food and talked. Then we went back to Cathy and Andrews house adn drank a really yummy cocktail and watched a movie called the ‘Good Theif’.

We talked about movies, mainly ‘The Passion of the Christ’. I still really want to go and see it but I am still too scared. I never thought that this would happen, you to be really quite physically scared of seeing a film. I guess the cross is quite a physical thing and the love and the grace that it offers I believe is quite physical too, you know the kind of love that you feel in the depth of your stomach and of course the physical challenge that it offers us to love eachother that much.

We also talked about families, I was feeling a little bit like mine was the only one that was seriously disfunctional but I realised that everyone elses family has some problems too. I mean I had a good night with my dad and my uncle on Friday night, we went to Milsons Point and ate Chinese food and talked. I think there is a bit of a them going on in my life: Asian food and talking, yay, so I can’t realy complain too much.

Okay study time.

I was reading a couple of my friends blogs last night and I think that mine is very ugly, so if any of you clver with computers people are reading this and have some spare time and want to make my blog look nice I would really appreciate that.

Not much to say about today. I am at my uncle James apartment right now and I am about to go out with my dad and him and my sister, should be an interesting night, I just hope they don’t all get really drunk and start being nasty to eachother, that tends to happen.

By the way for all of you who commented on my blog and said hi, that was really nice as for all of you who gave me advice about the day of marriage, thanks too but we have decided on the 6th of March.

God, what a last couple of days. I have been so stressed and to think that when I was in Peru I was thinking well at least when I get back to Australia I will be working less. I don’t like being stressed, especially to think that I was stressed as people were rude to me and then I realised that there were a whole bunch of people in my house last night and I did not really speak to them and the ones that I did I just talked about myself adn how angry I was. If any of those people are reading this I am sorry and I hope that I see you again to have the opportunity not to be rude.

I am feeling a litt bit better though. I went to Streetwize, which I always love. The things I love about it are, the oppurtunity to share my stories and hear other peoples stories, the singing so badly yet so beautifully, the humility, the community, the chance to read the bible and explore it with not necesarily like minded people but open minded people, the chance to escape the worlds values and enter into Jesus’ and Rough Edges’, the cahnce to be real, the prayer.

I also spoke to Tom and Jo’s grandpa and he has some experience in applying for these visas adn he was a little helpful and he eased my mind in the sense that his partner got a visa dn Martin adn I have more of the things on paper than they did.

Jane also told me to look what God can teach me formall my experiences and I realised that the xperience of been treated like a 10 year old by this university man who had no idea about my life an situation was a way that I could try to understand how many ofthe people in my life are treated everyday by almodst everyone. I can learn to understand people who are applying for visas to this country a littlemore too. I also ate food with Jemma last night and we talked and that was really nice. The food not so much but the talking to Jem was great, I think it was the first time we had hung out together since I got back and Jem is good.

Bed time.

Yes I am addicted already, all through my class at uni today I was thinking about coming home and blogging. It was a really good class today though, in fact probably the first that I have really enjoyed thus far. It was all talking and debating and sharing ideas, exactly what I thought uni was going to be. There is also a couple of deaf people in my class and they have someone come and sign for them and I just love watching her. I think I picked up a couple of things today which was pretty exciting.

It wasn’t a bad day today though, Adriana and I spent the morning having coffee, I would like to say that it was at least in part work related as we discussed how we were losing a lot of patients due to waiting times on the phone and how we could minimise that, and then it was lunch and then I did a bit of work and then I called my mum and then I went to uni.

I rang up the department of migrations though and they are nasty people, I couldn’t believe how rude the person was to me, she just kept saying goto the website and i kept saying I have been there but I still have these questions, there is is only so long that, that can go on for. Mind you I guess that is not as rude as they are to the refugees that come out here, looking for asylum. Asylum, fuck man I am starting to think they may be better off where they started. I am so filled with rage at this time about the whole thing, it is so unjust and unkind and inhumane and I think I am giving off heat. Mind you the people who I buy my phone cards from were good and I can get record from them of where I call so I can prove to the immigration people that I am calling Martin so that is going to save me some money.

Okay time to go and ring Martin and then get some sleep, aaaahhhhh sleep, one of the joys of my life that is coming a rater distant memory fairly quickly.

I think that the word blog has been introduced to the English language, it is a verb, a noun, an adjective, that’s exciting you know really seeing a language form.

Well I thought I would give this blogging thing a go. I don’t think I should be as I really have enough things to do. With work from 8.30 to 5.30 Monday to Friday and Uni on Tuesday, Spanish classes on Wednesday, Streetwize on Thursday, Church on Sunday as well as trying to fit in study, all the stuff with Martins visa and a social life it is going to get bit hectic but I guess all my friends are doing it. I thought I would be over all that peer pressure stuff by now, all that left me with is a smoking habit and a bad HSC mark.

I am not sure how open and honest I am going to be on this thing, Tom and I were talking about this today and in the past all that has left me with is a lot of shitty feelings of vulnerability and naked dreams, those ones were you are walking around extremely exposed to people and they are not at all exposed to you but I don’t think I wil be very good at not writning personal stuff on this. Now that is two reasons why this is a bad idea but I still seem to be proceeding.

So what did i do today, I went to work which was okay, at least all the girls came so I could get started on my work rather than having to man the phomes all day and tghen I came home. I did a little study but not as much as I would have liked and I ate dinner with Tom and Jnae and John, that was really nice. I did speak to Geoff as well and we are getting together on Sunday so he can write a notification of marriage for me. That is exciting but now I have to think about a day that I want to get married, that is scary but exciting too as well I guess. I wonder how one chooses a day to get married on, I mean there doesn’t really seem to be a day for it, but it seems like too big a thing just to pick a random day. Maybe I should ask my friends, well I guess they’re all going to read this so if anyone has any ideas let me know.

I think that will do for now, time to do some more study and write to Martin, maybe he should have some kind of a say in what day we get married.