One of my big worries about coming back to Australia was Nina.  I was thinking she may find it difficult and I was expecting that she would be a little bit unsettled by the move.  I had prepared myself for more tantrums, unsettled sleep and a very clingy child.  I was certainly worried for nothing.  She has been sleeping great, all through the night and back to hour naps each day often more.  I don’t think she’s chucked a tantrum since we got here (miracle) and not clingy either.  In fact I have watched her play happily with Jane and Gem and other children.  Jane even picks her up.  This astounded me as she has never let anyone pick her up.   Today we were waiting in line at the cash register and Nina was sitting calmly in the stroller holding her new swimmers.  Another mother looks at her while her kids grab at everything and says, “my kids would never do that, she’s amazing.”  I realised just a month ago I was saying the exact same thing.  I don’t really no why but it seems the move has had the total opposite effect to what I was expecting.  I am very grateful.  It sure makes this all a lot easier.

I also got a call from a job I applied for and they offered me an interview in January.  I am not 100% sure I want this job or that I will even get it but I am very grateful to have an interview at least.  Possibility is sure better than nothing.

I am very grateful to be staying at Jane and John’s house.  It is such a beautiful place and looking out over the trees in every direction is very calming.  They have also been very gracious listening to me talk endlessly about all that I am struggling with right now.  I am sure I sound like a broken record but they never make me feel like that.  And I sure am becoming more and more at peace as I talk it through and they share their stories.

I am reading Anne Lamott again.  I think I pick her up every time I come here but I always find her comforting.  I think everyone says this and I guess this is her gift but she reminds me so much of myself and can relate to almost everything she says.  It is very comforting to not realise how universal our struggles really are so I am grateful for Anne Lamott.  And today I even realised I could listen to Anne Lamott on my Iphone at the gym.  Yes I have one now, I inherited Martin’s old one when he got a new one.  I am actually quite enjoying it and was very grateful today when I realised I could listen to Anne and many other people I like while at the gym.  It sure makes the time go faster.

We’ve arrived.  Although it’s been five days now so that is not really news.

It was a long trip.  Nina got sick in Buenos Aires so we had to take her to a doctor and missed our flight. It was pretty stressful but the airline cared for us very well by not only changing our flights at no cost but also putting us up at a hotel with breakfast, lunch and dinner included so I can’t really complain.  We ended up having a lovely little two day holiday wandering the colourful streets of Buenos Aires and stopping at lots of paks.  Travelling with a two year old takes you to places you would not have previously gone to.  We also had the best seats, on the plane and Nina slept about 5 hours and when she was awake the people around us were pretty nice about her running up and down the aisles with another little girl.

Jeremy met us at the airport which was friendly until Gem arrived with the car.  Then we got a typical Sydney welcome by waiting in traffic for a long time.

I wouldn’t say it’s been the smoothest adjustment.  I am still feeling pretty sad about leaving and missing Chulu a lot.  I guess the disappointment still lingers too and I find the excess of our culture pretty overwhleming.  But it’s lovely to be at Jane’s.  It’s a beautiful place and it’s good for my soul.  We have also had lots of visitors too and I so value and cherish all the friends that have come and the conversations we havd shared over cups of tea.  This is also good for my soul.

Nina is not showing any signs of finding the move difficult.  She is sleeping well, eating well and having a ball playing with all the new toys here especially the trampoline.  She seems comfortable with most people too so I thank God for that.

In three days time we will be on a plane flying out of Peru.  It is one year since we got here.  A year feels like a long time at the start of it but at the end of it, it really doesn’t.  Most of you would know that we had wanted to stay longer but for a number of reasons we decided not to.  I am almost at peace about it.  We have talked and prayed and thought a lot about it and we feel it is right but I am feeling pretty sad about saying goodbye to family and friends and this beautiful place.  I am also still feeling pretty disappointed that we weren’t able to stay longer and I wasn’t able to achieve more in terms of the doula stuff and there is a bit of a sense of failure.  However, I suppose two births aren’t so bad with the first man attending in Chulucanas hospital.  Although, for me  the most significant thing about the project was simply builidng relationships with women in the community and talking about their births and babies etc even if I wasn’t able to attend.  Spending time with people and building relationships has probably being the most significant thing of the year in general.  I love that I know Martin’s family really well now and thus know Martin better too.  I don’t know if I did it that well but it has been a year of ‘being’ more than doing and that has lead to an immense amount of growth I think. Confronting myself and my failures has not been easy at all, at times excruciating, but I am hoping I am a better person for it.  I also continue to be grateful for the fact it has allowed me to be more present to Nina at this crucial age.

Martin’s project went pretty well although there were some disappointments too.  He only did two rounds of workshops as opposed to five which were planned.  Even though they were well receieved and he was working with local associations who had requested them getting people to show up proved impossible in some areas.  He used the time instead to begin a project with two schools.  The public agricultural school and a private school.  The kids learned about sustainability issues and how to make compost etc.  They loved the practical aspect of it and another teacher will be continuing to make compost with them and selling it to raise money for the school.  They have also formed an ecological brigade that picks up rubbish etc around town.  Martin also did really well in his first semester of the masters and gave the results of the research project about making compost with the organic waste from the market to the municipality.  An auntie who works there mentioned they were discussing it.  Finally with the university professors he is hoping to continue to support agronomy students who wish to do their thesis in sustainability issues.  For both of us the image of the seed continues to be helpful.  We have planted a seed and who knows from here what will happen.

I am a little worried about Nina leaving here.  She loves her life here and is totally adored by the family.  She loves her cousins, her  little school, her park and plaza and pool.  She loves the constant parties and there are lots of food she likes that you can only get here.  Not to mention she only really speaks Spanish.  She seems to understand when I speak to her English but she won´t speak it unless I really ask her too and even then not always.  I hope it won’t be too unsettling for her. She sure will miss this place and the relaxed lifestlye and all the people we have come to love  I will too. Very much.

In saying that there are many things I am looking forward to about getting home.   I can´t wait to see my own family and friends.  Being away and immersed in another has made me more aware of how very blessed we are by my family and community and in the long term I think it is a healthier environment for Nina to grow up in.  I am also looking forward to getting away from the machismo here and the daily frustrations of people not doing what they say they are going to do.  I still love Peru but I think it is more the love of a long term relationship where you know the faults of a person, rather than that in love relationship in which everything about them is perfect.  So as hard as it is for me to say this as I have saved for Peru, planned for Peru and dreamed about Peru for ten years this trip has shown both Martin and I that Australia is probably better for us all.

I do look forward to visiting Peru again though, probably many more times, and who knows maybe at some stage we will feel called to stay long term again but for now it is farewell to this place I cherish and hello again soon to Alice Springs hopefully for a very long time.

It’s 4am in the morning. This is the second time this week I have found myself up at this time. Mostly I can’t seem to stop things going round and round my head at this time of morning and tonight the discotech isn’t helping either. It’s very annoying. Although the other morning I did watch a lovely sunrise on the roof. As someone who is definitely not a morning person I hate to admit but sunrise really is a very special tome of day. The light, the noises of the world starting to stir and the sense of awe one feels for the creator. I was very struck by the miracle of it all and was reminded again that the light will always come and put out the darkness. Sunrise is a reminder that despite it all God keeps trying again with creation and with me. And I was thankful as I seem to be a lot lately for this grace.

This book is really a whole lot of short stories about Yunior, a Dominican migrant to the US.  They are mostly about his affairs with different women but also about migration and his family, particularly his brother who dies of cancer.  It is a very well written book, honest, descriptive. pretty funny while dealing with the tragedies of life and certainly rings true.  I liked it.  However, I did struggle to like any of the characters which for me makes it hard to really love a book and there were some pretty over the top, degrading descriptions of women and sex that I found a little hard to swallow.

I have been a bit of a mess this last week.  Since the robbery I been really jumpy.  People will often tap me on the shoulder or try to sel me something on the street and I practically jump out of my skin everytime.  I am super sensitive to every look I get which makes me tense.  I am even aware of looks between other people which I always end up thinking are about me.  I just want to relax but can´t seem to. 

Not to mention things I used to do on my own like go to Piura I don´t want to do anymore unless I am with Martin.  I can wander busy streets in Chulu but if I am far from home I want someone with me and fairly soon I find myself needing to get home as all my hyper alertness makes going out tiring.  It´s all very annoying. 

The thing I hate most though is that I am not doing many things I love doing here because I can´t get it together.  I don´t walk in the hills or anywhere alone.  I am not going to the pool which is partly as my goggles were robbed but also because the idea of going there does not appeal at all.

I am told this is all very normal which is good to hear otherwise I think I would feel like I was losing my mind.  I feel a bit silly as in the end nothing really happened but people, mostly my mum, keep telling me not to say that and not underestimate the fear I experienced.  I hope I can get it together soon though so I can enjoy my last weeks here a bit more.

I figured since I was in Peru I should read a book by Peru´s nobel prizewinner and most famous author. Maertin can´t stand him and told me I would probably not enjoy his works either but I thought I should at least try.  Martin was right I couldn´t stand it. This book is somewhat autobiographical. It tells the story of his relationship with an aunt, not blood aunt, she was ther sister of his uncle´s wife. It was so arrogant, sexist and classist.  I acknowledge I am not Peruvian and there is a lot I don´t know about this country but I have spent almost three years here in the last ten years and there was nothing in his descriptions of Peru that rang particularly true for me.  I think this will be my first and last one of his books.

I’ve made it. This is the last topic in my blog challenge that I started back in June. It was supposed to be one month, 31 days but it’s ended up been four and a half months, 141 days. That’s quite a lot longer although I think it’s still better than anyone else is doing on their challenges.

Anyway, Nina is going well. She’s pretty huge. I can’t believe how much has changed since we left. She walks, talks and doesn’t wear nappis. While we still have accidents every three or four days I am happy to say she’s toilet trained finally.

Her current loves are books (still), mangoes (lucky they’re only about 20c here), play school (thanks Jo), cooking (she loves making salads with me. She rips up the lettuce, puts in all the verges I cut up and tosses it), she even loves putting the rubbish away and the plates away after I have washed them. She really is very helpful. She still loves going out which we do a lot thankfully or she gets pretty cranky at home all day. She particularly loves the park and shoe shopping. Lucky as I feel like we have to buy new shoes all the time. She grows so fast and really wears them down. She loves to try different ones on and exclaims “que Bonita” to each one.

She’s very independent. She always wants to do everything “sola”. Get undressed, eat, wash her hands, climb the slippery dip. Sometimes I do worry.

We also seem to have come to the end of our dream run with sleep. Only occasionally now do we get a nap in. I still put her in her cot each afternoon but she rarely sleep so I get her up after 40 mins. Shes happy enough to just play with her soft toys and I figure it’s a bit of down time for us all but I do miss those over an hour sleeps.

Sorry no photos comp has died which is a bit stressful. It was old so it was coming and we have much of it on hard drive and the rest im sure we can get retrieved but I did want to make a few albums for people which I now can’t and three weeks without one at home sux. She’s still the cutest little girl ever but you’ll just have to take my word for it.

Novemebr 01st in Peru (and I think in the rest of Latin America) is the day of the dead.  I know that sounds a bit morbid to our Western ears but I really love this day.  Everyone goes to the grave yard and puts flowers and candles on the grave of their loved ones.  It really is very beautiful seeing all the candles lit, although unfortunately tonight it was a little bit windy so it was hard to keep them lit for long.  The streets around the grave yard also close and people put up stalls selling different types of food that are only available at this time of year as well as lots of trinkets.  There really is lovely community feel as most people are there.  Tonight as we we sat around the graves of Martin’s granparents different family members and friends past and stopped to chat for awhile.  I think we need this tradition in Australia and other Western countries.  Not only is is lovely but it may make us a bit more comfortable with death in general.

I think that God is always present in my life.  It is me that is not always present to His presence.  So really this post should be called, “How was I present to the presence of God in my life today?” (well yesterday, this post actually going to be about yesterday)

I went walking in the mountains yesterday.  I had actually wanted to go for a swim but when I got there they were emptying the pool out so I decided to run up the hill instead.  It probably was a bit of a risky thing to do but I felt like some exercise.  I made it to the top and sat under the cross up there and looked over Chulucanas and contemplated God’s presence in this town.  I then walked down the hill.  I noticed the purple flowers and as most of you know the colour purple always makes me aware of God’s presence in my life.

Then when I was almost down the bottom, two guys started running up the hill towards me.  At first I thought they were just running like me but when they put up their hands to indicate I should stop I realised what was really happening.  They were robbing me.  I quickly handed my bag over.  There was nothing of particular value, a towel, some sunscreen, my goggles. sunglasses, my purse with about $20 in it and my keys.  The only thing I was really worried about were the goggles as I can’t get them here but with only four weeks to go I wasn’t going to fight for them.  Then one of the guys pulled out a screwdriver and started indicating I lift up my shirt.  Of course at this stage I stated backing away and begging them to just take the bag and go but he told me again to lift up shirt.  I am not sure I have ever been so scared in my life so I did it.  The guy with the screwdriver advanced closer but soon realised I had nothing else and started running away.  I realised they were looking for a money belt and nothing else but my heart was still pumping fast and I have never been so relieved to see them disappear in a taxi who was waiting for them at the bottom of the hill.

I made my way down the bottom of the hill and stopped a taxi myself.  I was crying by this stage and told the driver I couldn’t pay as I had just been robbed but if he could just take me away from there I would be very grateful.  He dropped at the end of my street and I walked home.  When I got home Martin wasn’t home and I sat out the front wondering what had happened to God’s presence.

However, as I sat there waiting for Martin with nothing else to do but reflect on what happened I remembered many of the other struggles in my life, the hurts and disappointments that God had carried me through.  The fact that I had been robbed did not mean God was not there.  He was there holding me together in my fear, he was there in the taxi driver who drove me home, and He has been there as I have tried to pray for those young guys.  I haven’t quite pulled it off yet but He is present in my attempts.

Then last night again we had to take Nina to the hospital again.  It was the same cough she had last time and we just wanted to get her nebulised as we had last before to help her be able to breathe.  Knowing what it was certainly makes it less stressful but being at a hospital at 1am in the morning, holding a mask over my crying daughter’s face is never what you call pleasant.  But God was there.  He taught me a valuable lesson when my beautiful girl was born.  That lesson is, He is just as present in my defeats as He is my victories, probably more so.