I think I just posted the title by accident, before I had said anything. That is okay though because now I have said twice that today was a great day. That’s three times but it really was.

Martin and I went to visit our friend Ramon who we like very much. He is from El Salvador but now he lives in Forestville so as much as I would have liked to have visited him in El Salvador it was just Forestville. From Forestville we went to Waringah Mall so he could pick up some photos and then we went to Harbord so he could drop them to his daughter. He stayed there for about 40 minutes while Martin adn I drank lovely, hot tea and ate yummy banana bread in the cafe down the road. It was a great cafe that looked over the beach. Then we all went to Macmahon’s Point. We were aiming for Milson’s Point but ended in Macmahon’s Ponit which is very typical of an outing with me but it was all good as then we were able to take the ferry over to Milson’s which I had never done before. It was fun. We sat at Milson’s for awhile and chatted and then Ramon left us so Martin and I walked over the Harbour Bridge and through the Rocks to Circular Quay. I had done that before but only once and Martin hadn’t. In Circular Quay we ate chips and watched lots of good street performers and all the American sailors from the boat.

The final part of our adventure was catching the ferry back to Milson’s Point and wandering around Luna Park which was also fun even if we didn’t go on any rides. All the ones I liked Martin didn’t like and all the ones he liked I didn’t so we didn’t bother. I know that might not be very differentiated but we were not really that interested and rides are never that fun on your own and they’re expensive so you would want to enjoy if you are going to do it.

Now we are home which is also nice but I am very tired. I also just read my to do list (how good are to do lists) and I did not do any of the things on which is very unsatisfying as I can not cross anything off. Not to worry though cause it was a great day. Thank you God for days like these.

I am home alone. That does not happen all that much around here with five people living in the house plus fairly constant vistors. I would not have it any other way of course, as an extrovert I get my energy from people and being around them but I am enjoying this time. Mum is in Alice, Keith in Adelaide, Gem in Germany and Martin at the RSL watching the State of Origen so I have put on Luke, made some food, poured some wine and sat down to catch up on some emailing and of course some blogging……

I watched the Live8 concert on the weekend and like someone else mentioned in their blog, I have forgotton who but I know i read it, I think this whole Make Pverty History thing is the most exciting thing going on in my life right now. I really don’t think I amsayong that beacuse I have a boring life but because the fact that poverty could be halved in the next ten years and that I and my friends in our small way have made a difference in that is just the most exciting, inspiring, amazing, wonderful thing that I can think of. I am also really excited as I bought some of those Make Poverty History Bands and I decided that I would give them to people that I did not think would know much about teh whole campaign. So I gave them to the girls at work and since I did almost all of them have worn them most days and some of them, one in particular is getting really excited about it and always asks me what is happening with it all and then tells her friends and family about it. It’s great, really as I said it’s just the most exciting thing in my life.

That whole blog was in one paragraph. That sucks as I love having lots of paragraphs. It is fun and not to mention more aesthically pleasing, if your a bit wierd and anal like me.

Anyway I just wanted to put in a good quote for when you are feeling a bit crappy, well it helps me when I am feleing a bit crappy, it’s from U2, who I love.

“What you don’t have, you don’t need it now. What you don’t know you can feel it somehow”.

I am feeling a bit crap right now, I don’t really know why, well I kind of do but I think that I will thrash that one out in more detail in my private diary. Mum was telling us the other about a guy who read the blog of a lady that he worked with. He didn’t intenially look for it, just stumbled acroos it so he read it. On the blog the lady had said some mean things about some of the people at work including him. The man was quite by this so he confronted the lady who told him that he had no right to read her blog and she continues to be angry at him til this day, well the day that my mum told the story. Now I think that is stupid. Whether we write our blogs for ourselves or others or like me probably a bit of both we have to accept that it is on line and that others may read it. Even people we would never think would read it, that definitelty carries with it a certain amount of responsibility and therefore I am choosing not to discuss my crapiness here. There is also the fact that I discussed on my first blog ever that I have in the past often exposed myself emotionally in the past and just ended up feeling silly and vulnerable and while I still think that vulnerability in relationshps is very important one has to be careful. I imagine my grandparents never discussed the ethics surrounding what to blog and what not to. These are the ethics of the 21st century. Great now I have the found a title of this post. Yay post I said it right first time.

I think this rain is absolutely fantastic, hence the title of this entry, sorry I mean post, hey I have to get back into the jargon. I must admit though it is making me not want to leave the house tonight and drive all the way to Marrickville. Tom I must really like you.

Today is my day off so obviously I didn’t have to go to work which is always nice. Martin didn’t go either as it was raining too hard so we hung out together all day which was also very nice. We applied for a loan for a car but the system crashed while we were doing it and the lady said she would call me back and she didn’t, that’s so typical I finally get a reliable computer but I am stuffed around by the bank’s computers that don’t work. I am starting to think they sense my dislike of them.

I am quite excited about buying a car but kind of nervous. They are so expensive to buy and then run and repair and insure which means that we will probably be in Australia a bit longer than I had planned saving up to travel and return to Peru but I figured I can’t spend all my time here living for there and a car would make our lives, especially Martin’s, so much easier.

Oh no I am blogging when I should be socialising. I didn’t plan to get back into it so much so fast.

Today at work one of the doctors asked me how I was and I said that I was great. He then looked at me with a strange face and asked why? I said no reason and he gave me an even stranger look. Later in the day when he was leaving he asked me again, so really why are you great and I again replied that there was no particular reason and I asked him does someone have to have a reason to be great and he just gave me another strange look and said well it’s not very normal and he left.

I suggest everyone try replying with I am great when someone asks them how they are.

I have been talking for a little while about returning to the world of blogs. I seem to have a bit more time on my hands these days now that I am holidays from uni and I am not organising a wedding or having to entertain mother in laws. I am also a lot more relaxed so I won’t be talking about how stressed I am all the time which could get a little boring and now that I have a punching bag I am able to take all my stress out on that so I don’t have to do it here.

Mind you after saying all that I am going to say that I am feeling a little uptight and a little nervous right now as I have to go to Monday Club and although I love Monday Club I find it so hard. Like most of what happens at Rough Edges everything is always so chaotic and no matter how much effort you put in you always come up against criticism and nothing ever seems to work out how you planned. I guess I just have to try to see the significance in what appears to be relatively insignificant, see that it is not about me and my plans but about Gods.

Some days suck and today was one of them.

Today at Monday Club two people in the club were quite abusive to eachother verbally and a little physically so they were asked to leave. One left swearing never to return and the other, someone who I have always had a really good relationship with, went up the road and started saying that he was going to kill himself. I went up to find out if he was serious to decide if we needed to call the crisis team and tried to talk to him. All he kept saying was ‘you have to let me come back I can’t handle rejection over and over’, I tried to say that wasn’t my decision but that of the club and anyway it was just for today not forever’ but in the end he said he was going to kill himself and then he shouted out that he would kill someone. At that point I went and asked them in the office to call the crisis team and of course as usual they couldn’t come and by this stage he returned to Rough Edges and had a table in his hands swearing to throw it at me so I said call the police. This was probably a bad decision but I didn’t know what else to do, I was scared and I felt really helpless. I guess I had come up against my limitations and I hated it. I so much just want to try and serve people and so often I feel like I just make things worse.

Now here I am at uni about to hand in an assessment that that I think really sux but I don’t really know what else to do with it.

I don’t know how to find the time to blog more. I imagine it would be easier if my computer wasn’t so stupidly slow and I wsa a faster typer and if my hands sisn’t go numbe from the cold when I was typing like they are now, I think i will go and look for some gloves.

Okay I am back with gloves Yay.

So life well quite a lot has been happening really. Lots of assessments in thae last couple of weeks. I got one back and passed, the professor ticked all the very good boxes so that is good. There are two more thatv I haven’t got back , one I know I did quie well in but the other I am very worried about, It was a Psychology exam and for some reason I just can’t seem to get myself together in exams. I mean I felt like I knew the stuff but I ended up spending 45 mins on tghe first question and then had only 45 min left to do the other three and when I read back over it I thought that is not what I wanted to say. I think I might visit the study skills unit and ask them for some tips on how to do exams. Luckily most of my course is assessment and not exams.

My friend MAria was also out visiting Ryan and I and another friend called Jason. We had some fu together especially on Ryans birthday. Maria and I also took the ferry to Manly walked on the beach and had dinner. We had a bit of a discussion in regards to Ayni and some of the things that went on in Peru and I got the feeling she was pretty angry with me abouit some stuff. I don’t know if she has fully moved on but I am really happy that we managed to get it out in the open adn begin the process of sorting through some of it even if a lot of it was a bit hurtful to me. I think I have to start learning not to take things that aren’t personal, personally, especially in regards to Ayni. I tend to be a bit to protective of it and the things that I did in Peru but the truth is that we are all learning as we go along adn some things work and some don’t, we have to take the mistakes with the good things and that’s just that. I remember returning from that TEAR conference adn feeling best about hearing about other peoples struggles. I remember thinking that all othe organisations seem so good adn look at all the great things they are doing, there must be something wrong with me that so much doesn’t seem t work in Ayni and then I realised through sharing with others that many people doing this stuff have similiar struggles to me and that was very comforting and challenged me to keep going despite the difficulty.