She’s a Mil

We heard Che’s heartbeat today. For those of you who don’t know Che is the name of the baby while it is inside my tummy. Most of you know it is the nickname of the famous Latin American revolutionary but also the word used for mate in Argentina. I think little mate works for a fetus but it will definitely not be it’s name outside the tummy. Anyway, hearing Che’s heartbeat was very exciting. It was suprinsingly fast but the midwife said it was all very normal. I have to admit I live for signs of Che’s life, like the ultrasound and my slowly growing tummy, this heartbeat reminds of why I feel so crappy all the time and that it is worth it.

I was going to write about all the books I read again this year. I enjoyed doing that last year but I seem to be devouring books too quickly these days. In fact it’s about the only thing that I do really so I am up to about 15 already.

Apart from being able to read so many books this being pregnant thing has been really tough. A lot tougher than I expected, I think I was expecting morning sicknees to really be “morning” sickness and oh how wrong that was. I was vomitting up to three times a day for a few weeks there and could be at any time.

No cravings as yet, in fact food has become the bane of my existence. I’m fairly constantly hungry and know I need to feed the baby but almost everything repulses me and a lot of it comes up again anyway.

I feel out of control not having the energy to keep my house as clean as I like it, eat and exercise as much as I want, visit friends and attend my Quaker meetings and I don’t think my work is as good as it could be. Although I guess this is just the start of feeling out of control. Thankfully Martin is fantastic.

I’m 15 weeks now (well on Friday). I’m just starting to show but if you didn’t know you’d probably just think I was putting on weight,

Everyone tells me it’s all worth though and I have to say seeing the little one on the ultasound was pretty moving. I can’t imagine how I’ll feel when I actually have a baby my arms.

I arrived home last night after 25 days away. I was very happy to be here. The weather is perfect and everything is green from the rain. Not to mention it is just so good to sleep in my own bed and not live out of a bag. Especially good as the sickness has continued since my last post and when you are sick there is nothing is like home. Today I am going with Jo and Victor to find some waterholes so I think I will blog about road trip on the next post but perhaps I will finish up about the holiday in Sydney.

So where was I up to? I was having dinner with an old school friend last Friday but was very unwell. When I arrived at her place I just collapsed on her lounge wondering how I was going to get through. She asked if I was up for dinner and I explained that food was good so we got in her car and headed to a restaurant. On the way she had to pull over though so I could vomit all over the gutter and some of her car. Not the most dignified moment of my life but I felt much better for it and I was able to have a good time with her. It was a lovely meal on Dee Why beach and great to hear about what she’s been up to.

She dropped at my grandparents in Collaroy where I stayed that night and the next day I was able to spend on the beach with my family. It was the perfect day for it and the water was awesome. We also had a big lunch at my grandmother’s before returning to Jane’s. I was feeling pretty sick again in the evening but Tom came round with a movie which we watched. It was very kind of him.

On Sunday there was a farewell picnic for the Guatemalans in Hornsby park. Still sick but I got there and it was a lovely afternoon in the park with them and the crew from Hornsby. We had a swim in the pool which was very comforting to me and then I had a lemonade with the other school friend who I still see. That evening we had Thai food which I think was a bit mistake for me but the people were lovely and it was my last night in Sydney. I felt sad to be leaving again. I miss all my friends in Sydney and how comfortable and normal it all feels when I am with them. On the other hand it was good to be heading home………

So time to catch up my time here in Sydney.

It’s been a pretty hectic time since leaving Kat and Tom’s early Christmas morning after a late night of picnic’s at Glebe and Christmas Eve services. It was great to go to Glebe church and catch up with the crew there. Also, great to see the new minister in action after all the hard nominating work and he seems to be going very well. Everyone there seems pretty happy. I have to say it all felt like another world to me though.

Christmas day was good fun. We had a picnic with the Frenches, Castles, Hayes-Hidalgos plus some other lovelies. It wasn’t really the right weather for a picnic but we made it work in the end. It was good to be on the Harbour and to eat good food and to be with a group of people who feel like family. Then it was off to my grandmother’s. She put on her usual amazing spread of food and wine and it was a lovely evening of eating, present giving and catching up.

We spent the night there with the hope of the hitting the beach the next day but alas the weather was still not great so after breakfast we headed back to Eastwood where we spent the night with John who was a wonderful host to us. The next day I went to Newtown with Gem to buy a dress. We caught up with Jem as well and she showed us her new home. In the evening we saw Avatar at Hornsby and I have already wrote about that. We left John’s the next day (now the 28th) to pick up Jo, Victor and the five other Guatemalans. It was very exciting to see them. We drove back to Jane’s for a welcome lunch and then dinner.

The 29th was Peats Ridge time. After having an afternoon tea with David and Andreana, Jem and I headed down on the bus at three. We walked down into Glenworth Valley where the festival was and sat around and drank Chai til the others (Keith, Ryan, Gem and my mum ) arrived. My friend from Alice, Joy, was also there so she joined us for Chai. The next three days were filled with music and swimming in the river and more chai. It was a beautiful venue and we heard some great music and had a lot of fun but it was pretty intense for me. It was all very loud and the weather wasn’t the best and I was feeling pretty tired so I found it all a bit full on. Coming home on the 1st was a relief and having a cleansing shower and sleep. We spent the night at Janet’s who was another gracious host. Jem, Gem, Janet and I had dinner and movie with Jo before her Australian wedding.

The Australian wedding or Happy Party the next day was truly a very happy party. I had a great time catching up with people and dancing and most importantly celebrating Jo and Victor and marriage. The weather was not perhaps what the hosts were hoping for but it was phenomenal none the less. We spent the night with Jess in Wollongong and headed back to the party venue for breakfast with the crew in the morning.

From there it was on to Tamworth. A long drive from Wollongong and I was not feeling the best most of the day. It was great to get there and see my dad and my grandparents. My dad’s done some more great things with his house. I was able to have a much needed quiet day on the 4th. I was still sick and pretty tired from all the events so I just slept and read all day. It was my father’s 50th party that evening. Another great event with lots of catching up with special people. My grandma and aunts and Gemma said some pretty moving but very honest things about my dad. It was very him I think. We spent the next day in Tamworth as well. We went swimming in the river and had Thai food for dinner. Tamworth actually has a decent Thai restaurant these days which was exciting. We drove back to Sydney the next day and stayed with Janet that night.

I was still sick the next day and today so I have just been resting at Jane’s feeling sorry for myself and complaining to anyone who will listen. It’s not a bad place for that either as there are lots of people coming and going from this place at the moment. I was pleased though that Martin and I had the place to ourselves last night so were able to enjoy a romantic dinner and a movie before everyone came home again.

Now I have to prepare to head to Manly for dinner with an old school friend and then staying at my grandmother’s. I am praying my health and the weather will allow me to hit the beach this weekend as I have been desperate to for the whole trip but haven’t managed to.

We flew into Sydney last night. An hour late and like icebergs because the aircon was so cold on the plane but excited to be here. Kat and Tom picked us up which was great and we headed into Newtown for some drinks and Thai food. Really good thai it was amazing and we bumped into three other people that we knew, including Josh which made me feel like I could have been in Alice. We made it home with gelato and Kat and I a little bit tipsy for late night conversations in their backyard.

This morning we headed out for breakfast in downtown concord. It all felt very inner west. It isn so good to be here. Tom and Kat asked if it was weird to be here after so long but it’s not really. While I am very conscious of the people and traffic and advertising coming in being here feels very normal. It’s amazing how you can not see some people for ages but as soon you do it just feels like they’re your friends and that’s it.

My calves really, really hurt today and I have a massive bruise on my right foot. In fact I am limping in such a way that I am worried others may think I have done a little something in my pants. My little injuries were obtained on Friday night. We went to hear a local Latin band (can you believe it Alice Springs has a Latin band?) called “los bandeleros perdidos”. They were playing at the Lane, one of the best venues in town, on the roof of a local restaurant. They were fantastic and we danced lots. In fact everyone did. They played a lot of Samba music, a dance I actually know but it is very intense on the calves. It is a dance I used to do a lot in Peru but obviously not very much now days because my calves are still aching two days later. The bruise on my foot was from another dancer whose high heel came down hard on my foot. All in good fun though so worth it.

There has been lots of live music in my life lately and that makes me very happy. Last weekend we went a fundraiser held on the most beautiful property near our place. Anyone could get up and sing or play music or act. We even had someone do some trapeze stuff. Some of it was great and some of it wasn’t so great but either way I think it is cool that there is a space where people can just come and have a go in a supportive atmosphere. There was also some live music at Olive Pink the week before that. Another spectacular setting, in the Botanic Gardens, especially as the sun came down and everything glowed as it so famously does here in the centre.

Martin’s friend Sy was also around for about ten days. He plays the didj so we heard him a few times a round town. One night he played in a restaurant with the local saw player who is amazing and Martin even played drums for a few songs. He also played one night in the big room at Keith and Mum’s place. Malley and John came with family and a few friends. There wasn’t many of us but in the end we were all playing something (drums, guitar, didj, tapping sticks) and dancing, the sound was great. John was singing traditional way too. It was very cool.

I really dislike cleaning my car. In fact it may be the chore I like least in the world. I was very happy when we lived in Enmore and would go and pay to get our cars cleaned together around important events (remember that??). And they even gave us free coffee. Anyway I don’t feel like I can do that anymore. When you have as much time as me you can’t really justify it and it wouldn’t be the same on my own I don’t think. So yesterday I gave my car a much, much needed clean. It had become a bit of a “shame job” as they would say here. It wasn’t fun really but it certainly was satisfying getting in my car this morning and it was all lovely and shiny. In fact I have rediscovered that the seats are actually grey and not the red they had become with the dust.

This is actually word!!

I have been trying to learn Arrernte for the last couple of months. Unfortunately I can not go to classes as I work on the same night they are on so I bought myself “A learner’s guide to Eastern and Central Arrernte” book and CD and have been trying to spend a couple of hours a week. I am usually unsure if this type of learning works but I seem to be proceeding as fast, if not faster than my friend who is attending the class.

Arrernte is a pretty hard language to learn. Words like the word above highlight the difficulty in learning the pronunciation but believe it or not I seem to be getting my head around all that. What is hardest is that it is so hard to translate most things directly. The Arrernte people had/have such a different way of understanding things and therfore communicating to the way we do that trying to put anything into a sentence that makes sense to them is almost impossible I discover each time I translate what I have learned into something I can say to my Arrernte friends.

It is good to be learning Arrernte. I don’t think I’ll ever speak it fluently but it sure teaches me a lot about the culture and language learning. Also, so many other indigenous languages from here and around the world have been lost it is exciting to me that some including Arrernte have survived. And with only 2000 or so speakers left in Central Australia if it is to survive then other people have to start learning it. Funny though the other two languages that I speak are spoken by millions and millions of people whereas this one only 2000.

Last night we had our house warming party. It was such a lovely night I must say. The weather was pretty hot yesterday so I was a little concerned people would be uncomfortable but it cooled down nicely for the guests arrival and we had a good central Australian sunset for them to enjoy as well (not that I can claim that one).

Malley and John also led a smoking ceremony for us which I was really moved by. It was a real honour to be participating in something their people have been doing when they move to an area for 40 000 years. I got all teary.

Apart from that people just talked and ate and drank. We had some singing and dancing under the stars and some people played drums. The kids played games and cooked marshmellows on the fire. Malley had us women doing some aboriginal dancing. It was all lots of fun.

Martin likes having parties and I think I have come around as well. I do get a little stressed before them (and during them I suppose as I try to ensure that everyone is okay for food, drinks, people to talk to etc) but I really enjoy offering hospitality. I really enjoy watching people interact and have fun at my home. Last night was really special for that as we had a bit of a mix of cultures there who all seemed to have some really good interactions. In this town (and in this country too I suppose) I continue to be confronted by the racism that exists within us and so events such as these “normal” and “ordinary” as they are, feel sort of special and important.

Yesterday I helped one of my students write a resume. He is going for a job as a cleaner at the hospital but they wanted a resume. Having no one else here to ask he asked me if I would help him and I agreed. In the process of creating his resume we had the most profound conversation.

He is an Afghani man who arrived in Australia 3 months ago. He fled the Taliban in 2000 and then spent 9 years getting here (illegally) through Pakistan and Indonesia. I couldn’t understand everything but he kept saying “guns” and “dogs” and “Taliban very bad” I think he was trying to tell me that the Taliban treat people like dogs and that they held him at gunpoint and took his business from him. He told me all this as I tried to piece together his work and education history which as you can imagine having spent the last 9 years as an illegal refugee is fairly sparse. His education history isn’t great either, 8 years at primary school then military training for 10 years where he mostly learned to read and write. I ended up deciding it was probably better to not put in anything. I think most employers would be fairly put off by someone who had primary school education and 10 years in the Afghani military. The saddest thing though is that there is nothing at all to put someone off this man. He is the simply the most gentle, polite, respectful and kind man with me and with all the students in the class. He has so much challenged any stereotyped ideas about Muslim men that I had (and I had them I have to confess but all my Afghani students especially him have made me realise that they may be the most misunderstood people in the world). He actually stands up when I come into the classroom. A habit I am trying to stop as quickly as I can I must say. Especially, as I feel that it is I who should be standing up when he comes in. A man who has been through all that he has but has maintained such a gentle spirit and no bitterness is truly extraordinary I reckon. I don’t think he feels like that though, having been treated in the ways that he has been treated he has lost most of his pride in himself.

As he left he said to me “You are very nice. What can I do for you?” I actually teared up. How could I tell him that I am actually not that nice. That I benefit on a daily basis from the exploitation of people like him, helping him write a resume is the least I can do. But more than that I wanted to somehow explain to him that in the sharing of his story with me he had given me something worth so much more than the resume I had written for him but I couldn’t quite find the words.

Then I came home and watched Q and A and Lateline. As the politicians and the people battled it out about what we are going to do about “boat people” and how we are going to get “the balance right of being compassionate and protecting our borders” I just wanted to scream.