I am probably not the attended audience for this book. It was actually written for men to prepare and guide them for the birth of their child. I am obviously not that but Jane very kindly got for me to read for my doula training. It was written by a doula who runs ante-natal courses for men. As a doula I would be very interested in assisting partners to be the best support for their wives they can be. And this book had some very good ideas. There were also real mens stories which I enjoyed reading too.

I’m terrible at making decisions and Martin is not that much better than me. So every time that we have to make one it is fairly stressful. But the time has come around again to make a decision about the next step of our lives. Martin quit his job last week and thus a decision has to made about what now. As usual I began to feel a little overwhelmed pretty quickly. However in my quaker meeting the other day I was sitting in silence listening for some guidance from God. Slowly as I reflected on some things I had been reading over the previous week it came to me that the reason I am so bad at making decisions is I never make one decision. When we have to make a decision about what next I always fall into the trap of trying to decide what will be after that and then after that and then after that. The truth is that I cannot know that and trying to make a decision today based on something that might happen in ten years will of course be stressful. It came to me that the only decision that we can make is the next one. Then once we have made that and seen what happens we can then make the next one. This requires trust of course but really it’s the only way forward for us.

April, the month of anniversaries has come around again. Martin and I have now been married for 6 years. “She’s a Mil” turned 7 years old. And finally Martin and I met 8 years ago. As always I am struck by how much changes each year. With the arrival of Nina there has been some particularly big changes. I am very happy.

Things have been a bit slow on the reading front I am afraid to say. A bit too much going on I guess. Some people might not think this really qualifies as a book but we do call it the book of Exodus so I am going to include it.

So I just finished reading the book of Exodus. I really enjoyed most of it. The last bits at the end, with the very detailed descriptions of the tent and the clothing of the priests were a little tedious but the rest is fascinating. I love how so much of the Bible is story. Stories of ordianary people trying to understand God. Stories of God loving his creation. This particular story is a liberation story. The story of a journey from slavery to freedom. The story of a group of misfits coming to be the people of God. Form the story I was struck by how God wants us to live free and full lives in Him. I was also very struck by God’s insistence on the Sabbabth. It is the first lesson that people of God learn in the desert. I was inspired to try to be more comitted to having a Sabbath. As a new mum complete rest is not really possible but I have decided at least on Sunday there will be no cooking or cleaning or shopping or watching TV. I will try to only do things that restore my soul. It is God’s gift to his people.

I cried while I was watching the news this morning. The father who threw his four year old daughter off a bridge in Melbourne in 2009 was given a guilty verdict today. When I saw the mother walking out of court I burst into tears. Since Nina I get a bit like that, I guess being a mother creates a deeper empathy with all other mothers.

I also really felt for the father and all the family and was again struck by the ineffectiveness of our legal system to really deal with issues such as this. This verdict will not really make anything even slightly better for anyone in the long run. I don’t really know what would but I think some restorative justice may go a lot further.

I am really praying for this broken family, broken legal system and broken world. I guess there are some things we can only leave in the hands of God.

I have been very glad this week that I don’t live in NSW. This election would have to go down as one of the least inspiring ever. We have had to deal with a certain amount of media about it though. The media is so dumb sometimes. The way they carry on as if everything is a much bigger deal than it really is. In my short time on earth I have realised this about Australian politics. Labor is in for a bit and then Liberal and then Labor and every so often we get a hung parliament and then the cycle continues. Of course Labor had to get out one day, and I don’t think 16 years in leadership can ever do anyone any favours, so it would be a big fall from grace but they will rebuild after a few leadership changes and then they will be in again and then they will get out again It’s how it goes.

And I think the Federal Liberals are even more dumb than the media. Carrying on as if this election has anything to do with them. It’s to do with NSW Labor being in for so long and their time had come. The rhetoric around the carbon tax does depress me. I have a 7 month old daughter and she is gorgeous and precious and I like all parents hope that she will have a good life. And thus I am very concerned for this planet and if she will have a future picking up the dregs of what is left after we have destroyed it. On Nina’s behalf I beg Tony Abbott and his cronies to stop playing politics and endorse this, if nothing else, to ensure that Nina will have a future. Perhaps life will cost her a little more (but come on the proportion of our incomes we spend on basics is not more than it was 50 years ago) but at least she will be here.

Nina can sit now. She’s very cute when she is sitting but then again she’s cute all the time. Yesterday Magrita said, “I think Nina is the cutest baby. That’s why I like her so much”. I am going to take that as good thing. Anyway, back to the sitting I can’t tell you when exactly she did it for the first time as is kind of happened so gradually but we have finally reached the stage where I feel I could safely leave her. Yay for Nina. Crawling next I suppose. Then nothing will be safe.

A little word we came up with a few years back to tease Ryan about being a cheese eating vegan. Never thought back then this would happen but I’ve decided to become one myself. As ridiculous as the word is I’ve always thought being a vegan would be okay but I couldn’t give up cheese so I didn’t do it. Now I’ve decided well maybe I could do it but eat cheese. So the last few weeks I’ve been slowly weaning myslef off dairy and on to soy but I’ve being putting off actually starting. Now with all the lenten discussions about giving up stuff I thought now might be the time to make the final decision.

There are a few exceptions:
I will eat eggs from our chickens at home.
If I go to someone’s house and they have cooked something vegetarian I will eat that (so don’t worry I don’t expect this to make life harder for anyone else).

Nina is 6 months today. I guess everyone says this but it seems to have gone so fast (although some days have been very long). I think she is even more gorgeous today than she was 6 months ago when she was born and she was pretty gorgeous then.

She is definitely living up to her name, Nina, which means fire in Quechua. She seems to know what she wants and will make as much noise as required to get it. She also talks a lot and desperately wants to move. The only way she can really do this is to roll, so she rolls around everywhere. She will be crawling soon I think but thus far her attempts seem to just send her around in a circle. She’s pretty funny. She’s pretty smiley too. Thankfully, she is as good as telling you she’s happy as upset.

I love her heaps.

Life is pretty full right now. Nina continues to be the centre of it and trying to get her to sleep is still the biggest challenge. Despite some initial success with sleep training when the book said that it was time for us to leave the room we ended up picking her up again and now we are back to bouncing her to sleep. Even at 3am. It’s pretty tiring. I now have a book called, “the no cry sleep solution”. I am trying to put those ideas into practice but no success yet. I should probably just give up on the books but I’m still hopeful.

I am also working ten hours per week. I always don’t want to go but when I get there it is alright.

I have now completed two modules of my doula course so only six to go. I might as well take it slow though as I can’t really do a prac until Nina is a bit older. The thing with birth is you never really know how long you’ll be away and so Nina needs to be a bit more settled on food, sleep etc. I’m still enjoying the course immensely.

A old and very wonderful friend who also used to be an editor is editing my book so I have been pretty focused on it lately. She is amazing and the book is so, so much better now. It’s an interesting process and I am enjoying getting to know her better as well. If nothing ever comes of this book, apart from everyone getting a copy for Christmas, I wouldn’t totally mind as it’s been a great process.

And I am learning my lines for the Vagina Monologues. I spend a lot of time bouncing Nina to sleep and so they go over and over in my head. I guess the time it takes to get her to sleep is good for something. We will be performing in two weeks. I am very nervous now.