It’s been a very sad week for my family and some friends too but I am trying to trust and stay hopeful.

Come on home by the Indigo Girls.

Dark clouds are comin’ like an army
Soon the sky will open up and disarm me
You will go just like you’ve gone before
One sad soldier off to war, enemies that only you can see.
Dishes stacked, the table cleared
It’s always like the scene of the last supper here
You speak so cryptically that’s not news to me
The flood is here it will carry you
And I’ve got work to do.

Come on home, the team you’re hitched to has a mind of its own
But it’s just the forces of your past you’ve fought before
Come back here and shut the door
I’m stacking sandbags against the river of your troubles.

There is fire there is lust
Some will trade it all for someone they could trust
There’s a bag of silver for a box of nails
It’s so simple the betrayal
Though it’s known to change the world and what’s to come.

Just come on home, the team you’re hitched to has a mind of its own
But it’s just the forces of your past you’ve fought before
Don’t you recognize them anymore
I’m stacking sandbags against the river of your troubles.

Come on home, the team you’re hitched to has a mind of its own
But it’s just the forces of your past you’ve fought before
Come back here and shut the door
I’m stacking sandbags against the river of your troubles.

Apaloosa

I didn’t think that I would have any Westerns on my movie list this year but movie 6 Apaloosa is a Western. I guess it is good to not always follow our stereotypes. I saw this movie on my last day in Darwin. In Darwin they have what is called the Deckchair cinema. Outdoor cinema, like in Sydney but much funkier and less commercial. I really wanted to go and it was between Apaloosa and Bruno and given I think I would rather pull my eyes out than watch Bruno Apaloosa was it. Perhaps it was the the beautiful back drop of the Darwin coast and the most delicious lebanese food ever with a glass of wine that put me in a positive mood but I thought it was quite good. It had Viggo Mortensen in it from Lord of the Rings who I think is very gorgeous. And was a fairly interesting look at life at that time

Books Nine to Eleven

Book Nine: Poustinia by Catherine De Hueck Doherty
This book is about Poustinia (in case the title didn’t give it away). Poustinia is a Russian word meaning desert or a quiet lonely place. However, it is also a Russian tradition of taking time away to pray, to spend time in silence and stillness, to spend time in the mysterious presence of God. It is something that a friend here has practiced for some time and something that I am interested in trying to do on a regular basis ( 24 hours per month, although I already missed month three). For me Alice Springs is a place that really calls me to prayer and the hut that Keith and friends built is such a perfect setting beautiful, simple and quiet. Anyway, my friend lent me the book. It is an old book and thus some of it was a little bit old fashioned for me and the author is a very strong Catholic and it certainly had more of a Catholic flavour to it than I am used to but all in all it was very inspiring and gave me some new things to ponder.

“One day we realise all these geographical spaces are not enough, that they do not satisfy one’s desire for space. At that point we begin the journey inward. This journey is far more beautiful and satisfies far more ddeeply. The poustinia is involved in the great journey inward, exploring the vast spaces of God. A goal to strive for is when the need to have becomes the need not to have.”

Book Ten: The Lieutenant by Kate Grenville
I heard Kate speak at the writer’s festival when I first got here. She read some parts of this book and they were lovely and so I had been meaning to get to it for awhile. It was lovely to read. In fact I had to try hard not to read it too fast as to try and savour it a little bit. It is a story about a friendship between a white lieutenant in the first fleet and a young aboriginal girl. It was very hopeful really which is not often the case with indigenous issues so it was a breath of fresh air.

“What he had not learned from Latin or Greek he was learning from the people of New South Wales. It was this: you did not learn a language without entering into a relationship with the people who spoke it with you. He friendship with Tagaran wasn’t a list of objects or the words for things it was the slow constructing of the map of a relationship.”

Kate got the idea from some real diaries that were found in which the liutenant records some of the language he was learning and writes about some of the interactions he has with the girl. Kate Grenville is truly gifted in the way that she can write fiction novels about real events that happened (particularly to do with indigenous issues) that some how get to the truth of the matter better than any history book would. Not to mention I am sure they engage people and get them concerned about the issues more than a history book.

“The girls lay quietly and he went back to the notebook. How would he record the joke that he and this child had shared? What had passed between Tagaran and himself had gone beyond vocabulary and grammar. It was the heart of talking not just words and their meanings. But how did you write down truth in a notebook when the truth was far more than the words and actions. When even in English he couldn’t describe what had passed between them. He would have to be willing to go beyond the literal, to take words into some place where they were no longer simply descriptive”.

Book Eleven: Eleven Minutes by Paulo Coehlo
This book isn’t actually book eleven. I think it was more like book six or seven but I forgot to write about it back then so it has become book eleven (and coincidentally it is called eleven minutes). This book is a love story, a love story between a prostitute and a famous artist. It was a very confronting book for me, a lot of dirty sex scenes in all their gory details, but after getting through all that I quite liked it. I like Paulo Coehlo’s writing and his thoughts about life even if they are not completely the same as mine. He managed to write a story about a prostitute, Maria who was a fantastic character, without been in anyway judgmental or condescending while also acknowledging that the work is not good for the souls of anyone involved.

I don’t care whether it was once sacred or not, I hate what I do. It’s destroying my soul, making me lose touch with myselg, teaching me that pain is a reward, that money buys everything and justifies everything. No one around me is happy; the clients know they are paying for something that should be fore free, and that’s depressing. The women know that they have to sell something they would like to give out of pleasure and affection. I need to love – that’s all. I need to love. Life is too short, or too long, for me to allow myself the luxury of living it so badly.

And I like stories about messy, broken people and their paths to redemption. I also like stories about love when they don’t fit the format of romantic comedy and this didn’t.

I’ve been thinking about it a lot and I realise that I didn’t go into that cafe by chance; really important meetings are planned by souls long before the bodies see each other. Generally speaking, these meetings occur when we reach a limit, when we need to die and be reborn.

The setting of Australia (well one of them).

I am in Darwin. It’s my first time here so feels a little bit special. I came up for work yesterday. Finally got to meet my boss and colleagues. They are all a bit mad I think, they all seem to talk more that me (which as you all know is a fair bit) but they are great. All very passionate about what we do and passion is contagious so I am feeling all inspired too. I was only at the office on Friday for two hours but it already feels so valuable. I have been winging it a fair bit since I started and haven’t been entirely sure if I’m on the right track at all but when I went through the stuff with my boss she kept saying things like, “this is so great” and “what a good idea” (she even wants to use some it herself) and was really excited by some of the students work. It was such a weight off my shoulders. I am going back on Monday and Tuesday to go through some admin stuff, observe classes, have some meetings (of course) etc but I feel like even if I wasn’t that the trip would be worth it.

This weekend though I am hanging Darwin. I am staying with some friends of mum’s. They are uniting church minister’s (even the wife) and are very cool hippy Christians, who have a very cool hippy Christian house, with lots of cool hippy Christian books and friends so I am really indulging that side of me. I am reading Marcus Borg because Gemma has been talking to me about him and I like him too.

Today, I went to the beach. It made me so happy. I don’t think I realised how much I missed that salty smell and the sounds of the waves and the feel of sand and water on my feet. It was a beautiful beach, surrounded by these amazing cliffs but no one it really. I went for a massive walk. I didn’t swim. They said you could, the box jelly fish don’t come until October but I was still a bit nervous so I went to the pool instead. It is right on the beach so I could still enjoy the view without the worry and I could also swim some laps. it has been a long time and that also made me so happy.

Tonight the hosts are taking me to the beach again to watch the sunset and drink wine with nice cheeses. How perfect is that.

My work is like exercise too.

Perhaps I could come up with a reason why everthing in my life is like exercise. But right now I think my work is like exercise in that when I am not teaching classes I find myself dreading them a little. I feel nervous, inadequate and all those things. However when I actually am in class I really enjoy it and after feeel quite good after. I feel the same about exercise. When I am not doing it I find it hard to get motivated but once I do I really enjoy it and feel great after.

What would Paulo Friere do?

Most people who know me well (or even a little bit) have heard me rave about the adult educator Paulo Friere. I am big fan of his thoughts (which he put into action) and recently I heard the coolest Paulo Friere story ever.

My mum is doing a course and she had the teacher’s of the course over to lunch. They are very passionate social activists and are obviously really good at it too. Anyway, my mum, knowing they shared my passion for Paulo Friere told them how much I liked him. One of the teachers asked me, “what do you like most about Paulo Friere” to which I responded, “I am not sure, you have really put me on the spot”. Not allowing me to get away with that he said, “Paulo Friere put people on the spot”. He was right so I made a fairly crappy response although he seemed to think it was okay and thus agreed to share with me his Paulo Friere story.

He had visited Brazil (where Paulo is from) to do some work with people living on the streets there. While there people talked over and over about Paulo Friere. Somehow he managed to get his number and after much deliberation plucked up the courage to call and organise an interview. Paulo agreed. When he arrived Paulo asked the translator if he spoke Portuguese. He said he didn’t so Paulo proceeded to speak Portuguese to the translator. After about 10 minutes he switched to a very fluent English. His point had been made though. They should have learned some of the language.

Paulo then talked for awhile about adult education, poverty, oppression, social action, all the things he is passionate and thoughtful about. The guy was trying to make notes. His switch from Portuguese to English had happened so quickly that he did not manage to put on a tape recorder. Finally, there was a pause. The guy thought, “this is my one chance to ask Paulo Friere a question”, so he did. Paulo looked at him and said something like, “it’s questions like those that are really the problem”. As the man had said Paulo was never afraid to put people on the spot.

That night he flew home, feeling himself to be completely changed by this meeting with Paulo Friere. On arrival to Australia with a bit of jetlag and the ideas floating around his head he could not sleep. He got up to try and write the interview down, seriously regretting not having been able to tape it and feeling more and more impacted on by this man. In the morning though his regret at not taping the interview and its effect on his life was even more profound when he discovered it was his last interview. Paulo Friere had died that night.

Since starting to teach I have found Paulo’s ideas hard to put into practice in the context that I teach. Hearing this story though has reinspired me to keep thinking about these issues and trying to implement them. And while I acknowledge I am still learning and need to take it slow (I bet even Paulo did in his first few months of teaching) it is good to feel inspired.

How embarassing!!

The other day I had to go to an award’s ceremony at work and accept an award. What happened was that the department I work for Territory wide had won the Vice Chancellor’s Award for something (I don’t even remember). There was a big ceremony in Darwin but then the Vice Chancellor came to Alice Springs and wanted to present the award again and because I am the only person in my department in Alice Springs I had to go and do this. This was very embarrassing for me for a number of reasons. Firstly, I have only been there for five weeks and have absolutely nothing to do with the receiving of the award but there I was none the less shaking the Vice Chancellor’s hand and having my photo taking with everybody clapping (it felt like graduation day again). Secondly, the Campus Administrator, who was announcing the award thought it would be a good time to tell everyone that I was the youngest teacher they had ever had on campus. Finally, I had, had no warning that I was to be receiving this award. I just arrived at work and was told by our admin assistant that I was to go. Unfortunately I had chosen this day to wear jeans and thongs to work. Normally this would not be an issue but all the other people receiving awards were wearing skirts and blouses and high heel shoes. It was one of those moments where I was really hoping that the ground would swallow me.

Blogging is like exercise.

Blogging is like exercise. When you are on a roll with it, it is very easy to do, it becomes part of your day and it just happens. Once you stop though starting again is really hard and while I often think of these interesting posts to write when I get to the computer it just doesn’t happen and I waste my time on facebook instead (I think I need to set some rules on that, it’s a killer). Anyway life is okay although a little overwhelming. Work is still very hard for me but I am getting there. We are still not in our house and we are all bit exhausted with it but the end is nigh I do believe (although I feel like I have said that before and it just never seems to happen).

But one of the really good things I was going to write about was that we had a really special time with all my family here to celebrate my grandfather’s 80th birthday. We had shared lots of meals and laughs and had a lovely day exploring some of the West Macs. I think it will be one of those times that we all remember for a long time. Gemma and I went with Grandma to Uluru and we had such a hoot. Even though I have been there three times now Uluru still effects me and maybe even more so now that I live here in Central Australia. My grandmother really is very impressive, 78 and can still do the three hour walk around the base. Gemma and I did the Valley of the winds walk too which I didn’t do last time so that was great.

If it doesn’t rain it pours

For the last three months, since coming here to Alice Springs, I have been feeling very time rich and under stimulated. This week however has been one of the busiest, most overwhelming weeks of my life…..

It started okay on Monday morning, got up late, had a relaxing breakfast, went to my poustinia to drop some things I am keeping there and had a bit of a quiet time. Then I went to town to meet my friend Sandi for a coffee at mid day. It was a good coffee (finally) but she has some pretty intense stuff going on so it was a fairly full on conversation. From there I went and had a haircut (I have really short hair now) and then to look at ovens, pick up taps and run some other errands for the house. At 4.30 I picked up Leonie, the woman from Darwin who had come to help me sort out what I was doing. We went straight to the office just for her to have a look at some things but didn’t end up leaving til 8.30. It was good though, we chucked out pretty much everything. Anyone who is a hoarder would have hated it but we found it really satisfying.

Picked up Leonie from her hotel the next morning and we were back in the office just after 10.30. Apart from a short lunch break, in which she continued to fill my brain with things I needed to know for the job, we worked all day. By 5pm my brain was so fried with all the new information (and more mess we had discovered from the previous person) but I had to run to an on call meeting and then run back for my evening class. That was totally chaotic again and by 9pm when it finished I was not feeling great.

Back at work by 8.30 on Wednesday for my 9.00 class. It went better than the previous evening but I still wasn’t thrilled. After class Leonie went through a few more things and then left. I was hoping that by this stage I would have everything all sorted but she had created almost as much work as relieved so I just kept going til 6pm. Then I went to class for three more hours and got home 9.15. 13 hours after I had left that morning. I was shattered.

Thursday, I had the morning off to clean, wash and do some paperwork. Then it was back to work for the evening class which as usual finished at 9pm. It was a lovely class though, I finally had a moment in which I thought, well I don’t totally suck at this, and I think the students actually learned something.

Today, I was in at 9.30 for an interview with a new student. I was only going to be there until noon but instead walked out at 4pm. That is a lot of hours especially as I am only supposed to be working 20 hours a week (from now on I hope). I was just really keen to feel like I was on top of things. And I do, at last! I am also home. I am totally exhausted but I am happy to know that I don’t have to think about work again until Tuesday afternoon. Lots of work to do on the house though.